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If Michigan Doesn’t Win This Weekend I’m Coming For Blood, Sister Jean — By Father Ben

Hey Sister, Father Ben from Ann Arbor here. Here with a warning: don’t bet on your Ramblers winning because if they do, I’m coming for blood…of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, the only son of the Father! 

Did you think I mea—Oh, heavens, I probably almost sent you off into the eternal afterlife with that suspense, didn’t I? My apologies, Jean. Can I call you that? Jean?

Jean, I probably gave you quite the fright. In the flash of an instant, you probably thought I meant I was going to travel from Ann Arbor to Chicago next week, come in during your open office hours, close the door behind me, and—well, I can’t bear the thought of saying much more, but your 98-year-old mind must’ve been all over the place! 



But really, I’m curious Jean—did that scare you? Did I scare you, Jean? Does the thought of the Ramblers losing to the Wolverines on Saturday scare you? Could you imagine the entire city of Chicago being let down by their new favorite Catholic Sister, you, Jean Delores? All those people looking up to you, and then, in the flash of an eye, they’re instantly disappointed and turn on you? 

Well I sure couldn’t! We’re all children of God and He looks down on us and gives no judgment until the day we’re about to move onto the next world. No, no, no, if Michigan doesn’t win, me and you are getting together, breaking bread, and drinking a tall glass of Jesus’s blood. My treat! 

But better not beat us too bad, if you do, OK? Wouldn’t want any act of divine intervention causing anything bad to happen to you, right sis’? 

Good luck, Jean. We’ll be in touch.

— Father Ben 


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