In lieu of midterm season, the time of the semester when students neglect their health the most, the university has announced that they will be unveiling a kitchen seasoning line in an effort to capitalize on anything they can get their greedy hands on. Available at MDen for $99.99 and the better of your two kidneys, these featured spice blends are exactly what you’ll need to put the “spice” in “hospice,” where midterms will surely put you after you’ve almost died studying at Michigan.
6.) Salty Calc 3 Tears Extract:
Saltier than the Dead Sea, Calc 3 tears extract are the perfect addition to your shoebox-sized kitchen. This common spice is harvested daily from the cheeks of overcommitted freshmen by scraping it directly off of their cheeks and directly into the canisters.
5.) Jabrill Pepper:
Caution! This pepper is hotter than what you’re used to. Some compare the heat level to the burning sensation associated with chlamydia, but forget that association when you pairs it with sauteed veggies that you forgot about for a week and a half in the bottom drawer of the fridge. Or, try it in pre-made chili mixes that you’ll make for parent’s weekend to make your mom think you can actually cook and care for yourself.
4.) Gunderson Garlic Powder:
Just like her recorded lectures keep you away from attending class, this garlic powder will keep that weird guy with the “Old Car Horn” iPhone ringtone from sitting next to you when you actually decide to get out of bed and make the trek to the MLB.
The soothing scent of Rossmary has been compared to the likeness of the calm feeling that washes over you when you finally secure your dream internship. Because you’re in Ross. Run a bath and bathe in your own self love and appreciation.
2.) Cantina Cumin:
This spice, inspired by your favorite drunk location, is the essential ingredient in making tacos. Stop at Tina’s after you’ve made your tacos (on a Tuesday, of course), and take enough shots to forget you even made tacos. Then go home and make some more.
1.) Bursley Bay Leaves:
The woodsy flavor notes of bay leaves truly compliment the forest like setting of Bursley. Plan a Friendsgiving and season meats, like the North Campus Turkey, with this aromatic spice.
Listen to our podcast and subscribe!