St. Patty’s was this past weekend, and if you didn’t puke green, you did it wrong. If you weren’t already pounding moderately ~authentic~ beers by 7 a.m., you also did it wrong. Everyone in Ann Arbor on St. Patty’s Day actually lost their shit this weekend, since it was an actual Saturday and setting your alarm to 5 a.m. was not that irrational, shockingly. Since everyone went insane this weekend, everyone also probably proceeded to vomit in various parts of campus that were definitely not acceptable.
6.) Charley’s bathroom:
Due to the outdoor seating, Charley’s is really a no-brainer for the mid-St. Patty’s puke. If you were walking via South U, you couldn’t make it back to wherever you’re going because, come on, that walk is like, 25 minutes and your phone definitely died. You stopped by Charley’s to get a glass of water, but you were awake since 6 a.m. and suddenly it all hit you and you’re vomiting your guts out in the bathroom as everyone around you is pounding more green beer. But it’s okay—Charley’s owes you something after you’ve drank your weight in ridiculously sugary fishbowls here every week.
5.) A frat house:
We’ve all been there: the classic going-inside-of-a-frat-house-to-use-their-bathroom-after-name-dropping-16-brothers. You’re inside the house, wait in the line of 50 girls who are, like, totally going to pee themselves, and realize you’re not going to make it anymore. Luckily, there is a sink nearby filled with dishes that pledges are probably going to have to clean anyways so it’s fine if your vomit spends another day there.
4.) Schlissel’s lawn:
Asserting your dominance over Mark Schlissel is definitely a tough act, but leaving your puke on his lawn will for sure let him know that you do not mess around when it comes to St. Patty’s. A true spur-of-the-moment decision, this location is perfect for when you’re just ready to call it a day and all of your friends have abandoned you on the streets. Sure, it may be a little out of the way and you’ll get a couple of really concerned looks from people on the streets, but be sure to let everyone know that this is your way of protesting tuition hikes and keep vomming like the leader you are.
3.) In your Uber:
So you Ubered to Conor O’Neill’s—because it’s like so totally out of the way from like anything—and upon the motion of the vehicle, all of the beer came rushing up and you realized that you fucked up the order of, “Beer before liquor, never been sicker.”. Ignoring the $80 charge you’re about to get, you pulled trig and proceeded to cry because you just spent $100 on an Uber and no chance your friends will be splitting that with you.
2.) Parking lot of Hillel:
If you decided to tailgate on St. Patty’s, you probably found yourself making your way down Hill Street and passing a lot of Greek Life homes which you realized you should avoid.Naturally, you found yourself in the moderately-secluded parking lot of one this university’s religious establishments and realized vomming here would leave your fate in the hands of higher powers.
1.) On a trash can:
Making it into the trash can? That’s so overrated. Hopefully, you switched things up this year and puked on the trash can since your aim was basically nonexistent. Hopefully, you were too sham wrecked or lucked up to remember that your vomit would probably be the shining star of Ann Arbor streets for the day, as everyone passing the trash can would realize at least they weren’t THAT dead.