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Reggie the Campus Corgi Returns Just in Time for Midterm Breakdowns

ANN ARBOR – Reggie, the unofficial Campus Corgi at U of M, has recently returned to campus after a much-needed eye surgery, and many students welcomed him just in time for the midterm and post-midterm breakdowns to begin. 

“It’s so nice that he’s back on campus and just in time, right as I was about to be consumed by the terror,” said junior Freddy Nich. “All hope was gone after that econ test, that I was ready to submit to the void. But then along comes Reggie, swingin’ that booty like nobody’s business. I forgot about that exam pretty quickly after that.”

Nich then went on his merry little way, contentedly remembering that good Corgi butt.

Even Literature, Science, and the Arts Dean Andrew D. Martin was excited of Reggie’s return. 

“How lucky can one guy be? I pet him, and he licked me. Like the fella once said, ‘Ain’t that a kick in the head?’” sang Dean Martin, holding onto a crooner mic and a whisky sour. “It was great. It was like when the moon hits you, just right in the eye, like a big pizza pie. Incredible.”

He then lit up a cigarette and walked away, snapping rhythmically.

Reggie himself was also very excited to be back on campus.

“It was great to come around and see all my new friends, my good goods, and to sit in front of the Union and get the classic picture with the sign,” Reggie barked. “The diag is always nice and now that I’ve become more famous, more and more people are coming up to me and trying to pet me. I’ve found that if I just ignore them, my owner will give them a treat to give me, so I’ve just been eating a lot it’s great.”

Not all residents of Ann Arbor are happy however. Chester Nutsy, local squirrel and media consultant for the Squirrels Local 734, has said that “the return of Reginald has brought great distress to our community. He enjoys chasing us and frightening our youth. We’re simply trying to go around and bury nuts everywhere and get food from students, but then Reginald returns and we have to leave as soon as possible. Who knows what he would do if he caught one of us.”

The return of Reggie has been lauded by many other university outlets, such as The Michigan Daily. In a rare move, they decided to have a full front page photo of the famous corgi, with the only text being, “For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.”

Only the front page of the paper was published, as all other news was deemed unimportant compared to the return of Reggie.

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