Happy finals szn! It was the best of times (to binge drink your sorrows in an ugly christmas sweater), and it was also the worst of times (we’re looking at you, fucking racism). In honor of the coveted UGLi seat, LAB coffee table, and Starbucks south campus study spot, we made a list of five other UMich buildings you can study in when you’re just triggered as fuck by literally everywhere and everyone.
5.) Wyly Hall:
Do you ever want to go to B School, but you don’t want to constantly relive the pain of when you found out you were getting *gasp* your first B- in a class at the Stephen M. Ross School of Business? You’re probably are triggered by the Winter Garden after every group project meeting. Or, you’ve already found a way to get triggered by Blau before your accounting final, but before the Goldman recruiter called you to let you know that your resume won’t do . Try out Wyly Hall, the most obscure and probably lowkey building of the Ross complex, and let Jeff T. Blau and Stephen M. Ross know you’re trading in their triggering services for Sam Wyly.
4.) Schlissel’s House:
In close proximity to the UGLi and Hatcher, there is no chance there is not a single person at this university who is not triggered by those buildings. If you haven’t run into the guy you might’ve hooked up with at Cantina in the UGLi, and you haven’t opened up Wolverine Access in an attempt to drop out of this university in the Stacks, you haven’t truly had the full Michigan experience. Try out Schlissel’s house for a nice alternative. Who knows? Maybe Marky Mark will even be there to make you a few nice study snacks…
3.) Pierpont Commons Panda Express:
For everyone who has ever had the pleasure of studying on North Campus, the Pierpont Panda is a safe haven for all those who decided mid-studying that their body is not a temple but a wasteland. Since you’re sick and tired of sitting in the Dude, your CAEN computer just crashed for the 14th time, and you have no idea how thermodynamics relates to the chemical composition of a potato, head over to Pierpont Panda to indulge in some of the lowest quality “Chinese food” that this university has to offer. Let the scent of orange chicken and fried rice stimulate your brain and inspire your all-nighter!
2.) Top of the Bell Tower:
Some claim to have had classes in the Bell Tower (are there actual study spaces here?), but nothing says ~views~ for that “I’m so studious” Insta post like being on top of the school and pretending you’re working hard. In reality, you’re too close to the MLB and every large lecture class that you’ve probably failed already, so you’re not really going to be thinking about doing work here when you’re all triggered up. Regardless, hop in that questionably functional elevator, ride your way to the top, and resort to an experience of misery while studying in one of the most aesthetically pleasing places on campus.
A professor once referred to Lorch as “across from Dom’s” instead of comparing it in reference to an academic building (like any professor at any other reasonable university would). In the shadow of Ross and Lorch and the Law Quad, Dom’s is a prime place to be surrounded by academia without having any feeling of obligation to participate in any form of academic activity, which, by now, you’re extremely triggered about. Grab a pitcher of Sangria, whip out your econ notes, put away your econ notes, and order another pitcher of Sangria!
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