Since UMich is the only institution in the world that is torturing us with class this Friday, you’ve got some time to kill before you head to the airport to wait for your flight back to New Jersey for Easter Weekend. To make time pass quickly during Passover, here are some things for you to do:
7.) Die at Rick’s, suffer from a three-day hangover, and resurrect on Sunday with Mom’s Easter brunch:
Is there any other way to do the weekend? You started with a Mind Probe and then had a Bloody Mary, trying to get into the festive mood for the weekend. Then, you were in an Uber to Landmark. This seems too familiar.
6.) Pray you get a C in the class you took pass fail:
There’s no better time to start praying, because you definitely can’t come back from this one. You nearly failed the first exam because you we’re confident you could get a C, and here you are tempted to send nudes to your prof in hope for some spare points. Now that’s an ass to thank God for.
5.) Take a selfie with a very good Reggie Bee on a very Good Friday:
Can your day get even gooder? We’re doubtful. Ten points if you spot him on the Diag, 25 if you see him leaving little doggy Tootsie Rolls on Schlissel’s front lawn, mixed in with the Easter eggs he hid for his grandchildren. Those Reggie turds are like tiny landmines waiting to be trampled over by unsuspecting children.
4.) Get nailed:
Take Jesus’ lead on this one. You need to get laid now to relax a bit before you travel home to your overbearing family.
3.) Climb the Stairway to Heaven:
Get really high and listen to Led Zepplin, then climb the Mason Hall stairs until you’ve reached heaven, or until you pass out.
2.) Dress as a sheep and roam around campus:
Why? Because they say Jesus was the Lamb of God, and also you’re a die-hard Black Sheep fan.
1.) Only order non-alcoholic drinks at Jug:
You want to become a born-again virgin, inside and out, and you’re starting this weekend. Good luck though—we saw the way you were looking at Chris from Delta Chai Latte, and those were not holy glances.
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