It’s your senior year and you’re crying (not just because Michigan was the only Big Ten team to not to win a bowl game) and everyone is leaving. You have to make these last moments count. We sent an investigative team into the field to find what you need to do during your last semester at Michigan, and boy, do you need to do them.
10.) Get a picture with Reggie:
Reggie can be seen around the Diag chasing squirrels and generally not giving a fuck about anything that isn’t food. However, if you manage to catch his attention for a minute, you have a good chance at getting a picture with him. Your humble author already has three (get on my level, filthy scrubs).
9.) Have sex at the 50-yard line at the Big House:
A classic goal to have for anyone who’s ever been to college is to fuck on the 50. But, with the biggest college stadium in the country, this is extra special. Make sure to bring a blanket to avoid turf burn (or maybe don’t, we don’t kinkshame here).
8.) Actually go to more than just the mass meeting of that club you say you’re in:
You say that you’re in the Underwater Basket Weaving Club, but are you really? How many baskets have you made in the CCRB pool? Try it sometime, you might make some friends that you can hangout with for a few months before you never see each other again.
7.) Kiss someone under the engineering arch:
It’s your last year, so fuck it, get married. Find “the one,” (or even just “a one” will be fine). Say you’re taking them on a romantic dinner to East Quad and when you walk under the arch, get kissing. They won’t know what happened, but you’ll be married. Have fun with your new senior year spouse.
6.) Eat wild mushrooms in the arb until you find the right ones:
This is a pretty standard one for Ann Arborites. There’s no reason to be in the arb if you’re not high as shit, so start snacking on those shrooms. The best ones grow around the Huron. Eat them, and find a cool bush to lay down under and look up at all the patterns on the leaves and the branches and the rainbows.
5.) Stroke Schlissel’s beard:
Maybe he’s born with it. Maybe it’s Maybelline.
4.) Rescue the North Campus turkey:
The turkey was taken to an undisclosed location, but any Wolverine worth their salt will be able to find out where it is. Make your great escape attempt and go down in history.
3.) Take Stats 250 again:
Everybody’s done it, so why not do it twice? Perfect for senior year when you need something a little more relaxing. Nothing is better for a good evening than a glass of wine, a bubble bath, and the tender voice of Brenda Gunderson playing at 1.5x speed.
2.) Actually go in the League:
What is the League? Wasn’t there a Taco Bell there at one point? Isn’t there a hotel there? You’ve never been, so you might as well go exploring.
1. Reply to an email from E. Royster Harper:
He probably gets a little lonely. All she does is send out emails, but never gets any. Give her something to put a smile on her face: an email. It’ll mean the world to her and you’ll feel better for doing it.
You’ve got four months to get things done before you become a Real Adult™. Make the most of this and see how many of these items you can check off of your UMich bucket list!
Hey dummy, listen (AND SUBSCRIBE) to our podcast!