The Top 3 Tips for Landing at the Best Frats at Michigan

author-pic at University of Michigan  

A school as large as the University of Michigan can seem intimidating before you find your social niche, and what better way to start than in our very own Greek Life? Joining one of the best frats at Michigan is a great way to make friends, have fun that borderlines on dangerous, and lock down housing for next year in a building that barely meets Amnesty International’s standards for humane living conditions.

But these exclusive social organizations don’t just hand out bids like bibles on the diag, and unless you know someone on the inside, you’ll need all the help you can get to be invited in. That’s why we compiled these tips get you accepted into a community of men who will love, respect, and verbally abuse you while you teeter precariously on the edge of alcohol poisoning:

3.) Be Confident in Your Own Cargo Shorts: 
There are only two words in our first tip to help you land a bid from a top-tier house: Be yourself. Just kidding! Everyone knows “being yourself” is for geeds and international students with accents that aren’t hot. The only two words you’re actually going to need during rush? Cargo shorts. Frats want guys who attract sexy babes, and sexy babes want confident, mysterious men who know how to utilize space. Have you ever seen someone in cargo shorts who didn’t look mysteriously confident about wearing them? We thought so. 

2.) Bring Your Sense of Humor: 
Fraternities are looking for men they’ll be proud to call brothers, and everyone is proud to know a class clown. Don’t worry if you don’t consider yourself a natural comedian, The Black Sheep is technically a comedy website and we’re not funny at all! (Editor’s Note: We’ve since sent the author of this article a cease-and-desist for making fun of The Black Sheep. WE ARE FUNNY.). Anyone can be the life of the party as long as they follow the three basic rules of comedy: 1) The louder you say it, the funnier it is; 2) If it’s funny once, it’s hilarious twice; and 3) Always laugh at your own jokes so people know they’re good. With these simple guidelines, you’ll be fending off bids left and right.

1.) Don’t Forget Your Professional Resume:
The real test of character during rush is your conversation topics. Fraternities want to know what kind of person you are, but they won’t discover the real you through all that small talk. You can avoid boring questions like “What’s your name?” and “Why do you want to join our fraternity?” by bringing several copies of your resume and cover letter to each house, and presenting them to each brother. Then you can start right in on your political beliefs, daddy issues, and anxiety about that mole on your scrotum without skipping a beat. And, you’ll immediately be best friends with everyone in the house (Interfraternity Council regulations state that if another man sees your genitals, you’re automatically gay or best friends, and a gay man would never wear cargo shorts to a party).

Although rush can seem scary at first, you’ll easily be able to navigate the social minefield of Greek Life by following these basic tips. And before you know it, you’ll be accepting a bid and discovering how much alcohol it takes to forget the elephant walks.

 

Our tip for landing at the best frats? Listen to our podcast.