It’s September in Ann Arbor, which means drinking vodka and chasing with La Croix at 9 a.m. Waking up in a haze and having to go chug your weight in Crystal Palace early in the morning is hard enough, so we decided to make a handy-dandy guide on how to dress for Saturday mornings in Ann Arbor. And don’t worry, we thought about how cold it can get so we have outfits for three different temperatures:
6.) Guys’ Clothing for Warm September Days:
Here’s the classic look for all you dudes to go with. The basketball jersey can be substituted for any Michigan sportswear, as long as it’s some sort of jersey. Any type of pants or shorts can be worn, it really doesn’t matter as long as they’re not sweats, because that looks sloppy this early in the year. However, the fact that it’s in September does not allow you to skip the Timbs. They are necessary to achieve the je ne sais quoi of the frat bro.
Pretty simple here, crop top and short shorts. The socks can be of any color, be it solid white with block Ms or blue-and-maize striped. Make sure your shorts are short enough that you can see the pockets and you should be all set. And if you think you look bad, don’t worry, you probably won’t make it to the game anyway.
Oh, you’re cold and want to wear something to actually keep you warm? Sorry, you’re out of luck. Real Men™ don’t get cold. It’s too early in the season to wear something that can keep the cold out, so if you’re really desperate, you can throw on a longsleeve shirt. If you’re a normal human and need to be warm to stay alive, turn in your man card and head on over to the winter outfit.
3.) Girl’s Clothing for Brisk Fall Days:
It’s too cold to wear shorts, and maybe the sides of your exposed midriff is getting cold. Dress a little warmer with leggings (you can wear multiple if it’s really cold) and add in a vest. Make sure to still wear the crop top and make sure everyone knows that you’re wearing a crop top. Don’t worry about making it through the whole game, you just need to get to the third quarter and drunkenly dance to Blues Brothers. That’s all we really go to games for anyway.
2.) Guy’s Clothing for Winter Days:
It’s officially winter, so we dudes can actually wear clothes now. But be warned, the nuance of men’s winter fashion is very tricky. For a shirt (because who actually gets cold) the jersey still works, but the bigger the better. Hockey jerseys are very good for this. The Timbs are still a must. If you don’t wear them, you might as well call yourself Sammy and kick yourself off campus. Also make sure to grab your dick for some reason, I’m pretty sure girls think it’s hot.
1.) Girl’s Clothing for Winter Days:
Break out the windbreakers and keep chugging that La Croix and vodka, because believe it or not, football season keeps going. A windbreaker can keep you warm if you’re surrounded by people taller than you, so don’t be afraid to move around to find the warmest spot. The baseball cap can also easily be exchanged for a winter hat if it’s really necessary, but make sure it at least has a pom-pom or some other girly shit on it.
So you might be thinking about how these outfits will actually never keep you warm, and that’s a valid point, because they won’t. What keeps us warm is the Michigan spirit raised in all of us when James Earl Jones talks about how we’re the greatest university in the world, and also those shots you took right before leaving the tailgate.
We don’t give fashion advice, but you should still let us give you life lessons in our podcast!