Essentially, the entire university besides you went abroad this semester, and if they haven’t, they’re going next semester. Facebook is blowing up with statuses from your friends in Prague, Barcelona, Australia, London, and Copenhagen, and, if you’re one of the not so rare individuals who didn’t have your shit together enough to go abroad, have no fear. The Black Sheep is here with four steps to convince your friends that you ventured out of the Ann Arbor bubble and are worldly, sophisticated, and ~cultured~ af.
4.) Bring the term “low key” to a whole new level:
In fact, be so low key that you completely disappear for an entire semester. Go home. Don’t leave your house. Pretend you have agoraphobia if you need to. Stay on North Campus and don’t dare step foot on Central, because you’ll definitely run into the one person who will tell everyone they saw you (and that you’re not actually eating tapas in Barcelona). Maybe even invest in a green man suit or one of those blow-up dinosaur costumes if you feel the need to go outside, but do whatever you have to in order to remain completely anonymous on campus.
3.) Frequent ethnic restaurants (like Pizza House and Amers):
…and explode everyone’s Instagram feed with pictures of your food. If your Instagram doesn’t look like you’re an international food blogger by the end of the week, then you’re doing it wrong. Bonus points if you caption all of your pictures something like “amazing pizza from Italy, OMG never, ever leaving.” Tell your friends you’re going to gain so much weight from eating abroad and that you can’t eat _____ food back home anymore because it was a million times better abroad. The snails in Paris were sooo good, I just can’t eat snails in the dining hall anymore.
2.) Make sure to only communicate with others through Whatsapp:
Don’t answer anyone’s calls or texts—this is a rookie mistake. If you forget about your plan and accidently pick up a call, scream that you’ll be charged for international rates and quickly hang up like your life depends on it. Also, set a Facebook status to remind your friends that they could only reach you at *insert fake international number here* or via Whatsapp, and explain how grateful you are to have the opportunity to go abroad. Bonus points if you post a fake one-second a day video of yourself in front of obvious international landmarks like Landmark and The Cube.
1.) When you return from “abroad,” constantly shit on the U.S.:
And also complain about being jet lagged. Fake random fits of falling asleep all the time, especially when that one friend who’s a terrible storyteller starts talking. Talk about moving to X foreign country as much as you did after finding out the election results.
Congrats! You just saved ~$35,000.
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