Welcome Week: A phase of constant intoxication, sloppy darty makeouts, and immersion in blow up pools filled with an array of toxic substances. But the key to the successful—or unsuccessful—Welcome Week is your apparel. No one cares that you’re in Ross. And they don’t even care about the Cheez-Its you’re parading around the darty—well maybe that’s going a little too far, some individuals care greatly about this.
Your outfit choices throughout the Welcome Week extravaganzas are of the upmost important. Whether you’re a freshman or a senior, Welcome Week spectators are onto you, and write up your biography simply through your clothing.
Full-Blown Michigan Gear: You’re a freshman. There’s no greater giveaway, unless you’re actually wearing that MCard holder necklace, then you might as well just leave the party. Yes, go on and head back to your dorm. The socks, hat, shorts, even Michigan underwear may be acceptably worn as a package deal on game days, but if it’s a sunny Wednesday darty in good ole’ Ann Arbor, keep it in your closet.
The Hawaiian Shirt: While it may be a fashion crime, it’s no Welcome Week crime—a trend even. The guy in the Hawaiian shirt is the typical frat star, most likely dancing on an elevated surface before 10 a.m., and double fisting the cheapest beer that Meijer supplies. He is also spilling his constantly, winning himself dirty looks from the ladies who spent 2 hours prepping hair and makeup for this sweaty occasion—and the mascara is not beer-proof.
Bikini: This isn’t this girl’s first Welcome Week rodeo. She knows what to expect, and she’s fully prepared to be the first one jumping into the brown-watered pools and having her friend take 10 photos of her going down the slip n’ slide—to Instagram later, obviously. #WelcomeWeek #DartyQueen #MichiganDifference. Did I miss a caption?
Shirtless: Now this is a Welcome Week favorite. It’s the guys who’ve been doubling their protein powder as they body pregame for Welcome Week. The ones who’ve put in a little extra at the gym, simply to become drunk and shirtless—and cocky—during the Welcome Week festivities. They may not be ~wasted~, because they don’t forget to flex, but they’re undoubtedly making their way around the crowd for the most exposure as possible.
Sundress and Wedges: Go home, you’re drunk. You must be to show up to a Welcome Week darty like that, right? We pray. Maybe their eyes were just dilated and they thought they were heading to Skeep’s? These ladies will be either stared at in a “what are you wearing” fashion, or simply in a jealous rage—because we all wish we weren’t sweaty and could wear heels in this mud. Best of luck to you.
Letters: No, not wearing the alphabet, Big Bird. But the majority of darties will be filled with sorority and fraternity letters. Because if you’re in Greek Life, that’s a good half of your wardrobe, and it also portrays a semi-intimidating cult vibe. No doubt you’ll find the freshmen carefully assessing the situation, being careful not to act like drunken fools before the start of rush. Most of the time, however, they fail at that.
Wondering what to wear to today’s darty? Think of what your Welcome Week motives are, and match them to the apparel item—it’s simple. Thought it was all fun and games, sunglasses and high waisted shorts? Oh, how naive. Just like your uniquname, your Welcome Week outfit choices are a defining sector of yourself.