5 Unfortunate Lessons We’ve Learned From the U of M Campus

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The Twin Cities Campus has some things about it that aren’t so great. Just like in your classes, there are a few things about being on campus you can’t master. If you’ve been here for at least a little bit, you know some of these things all too well. Don’t worry, though – pretty much everyone suffers through them, just like that final you didn’t study for. 

5.) The Wind Will Always Hurt Your Face: 

No matter what time you leave for class, how much winter gear you swaddle yourself in, or how much the sun is shining, there will always be some spot on campus where the winter wind will pummel your face. Even if you’re prepared, winter in Minnesota will make you feel fucking miserable and chill you to the bone. Why do you go to school here again? 

4.) There Will Always Be Construction: 

Some spot on campus is always under construction. Just when one building is done getting renovated with a fancy ceiling or a dungeon in the basement, another construction site appears seemingly out of nowhere. Just when you think, “Hey! I don’t have to walk completely around Tate to get to class anymore! My face will hurt a lot less from the wind!” construction appears on Church Street like an ugly rash you can’t get rid of.  

3.) No Matter How Many Signs, There Will Always Be Someone Being a Dick: 

While you’re being a good and humble student learning all sorts of stuff, there’s always one hanging around who doesn’t learn anything no matter how much shit they get. We’re looking at you, guy-who-rides-bike-on-Scholar’s-Walk. You can be walking to your class in Rapson and some idiot will come straight at you on a bike going much too fast, despite the MULTIPLE signs telling them to walk and the extremely dirty looks from everyone minding their own business. 

2.) The Wi-Fi Never Works the Way It Should: 

You’d think that a campus with thousands of people on it trying to use the Wi-Fi at any given moment would warrant a working internet connection. Nope. The Wi-Fi lately works about as well as a duck playing soccer. It doesn’t matter that you’re paying an arm and a leg to be here. The Wi-Fi can smell your desperation and will not work for you, no matter how badly you need to turn in an assignment on Moodle or check your syllabus. 

1.) Good Things Often Come 8 Years Too Late: 

Exhibited by Kesha. We’d guess quite a few of you had aspirations to go to a Kesha concert…when you were in middle school. What would seventh or eighth grade you say about the fact Kesha was on your very own college campus? Patience is a virtue. Fear not, younger you – you will see Kesha in good time, just when she’s less relevant and you’re not really interested in her anymore. Alas, perhaps in seven or eight years you’ll see Halsey perform in your work cafeteria. 

If you’ve never experienced at least one of these, you’re a liar and we encourage you to go outside once in a while. Life ain’t always fun. If it’s any consolation, the shitty Wi-Fi, wind, and some dude hitting you on a bike are all common equalizers and will affect you regardless of if you have your shit together or not!