6 Fresh Hells for Freshmen to Discover at the U

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So you’ve decided to come to the University of Minnesota, huh? Well, you’ve already experienced the overly caffeinated dancing and less than excited singing of the Gopher fight song (rah) during Welcome Week. You’ve also probably taken part in the drunken stumbles to Dinkytown from the dorms after playing Harambe-themed drinking games. But while you were learning your way around all three campuses, there are definitely a few things your WWL or khaki clad OL didn’t warn you about. That’s where The Black Sheep saves the day. Here are a few annoyances you’ll encounter here at the U.

6.) Moos Tower Wind Tunnel:
The Superblock’s location is quite nice – it’s not too far away from classes and really close to Chipotle. One downside, however, is the walkway between Moos Tower and the hospital patient pick-up area. No matter the weather, there are always 65 mph winds through that pass. You’ll look like the reporters on the Weather Channel during hurricane season if you take that shortcut to Coffman and the mall.

5.) Dining Hall Ice Cream Machines:
Sometimes, all you want at Late Night is an ice cream cone. Too bad that will rarely happen. Yes, the dining halls have ice cream machines, but 87.9 percent of the time they’re either broken or shut off for the night. So when you finally get a bowl of chocolate soft serve, enjoy every sacred bite.

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4.) Campus Connectors:
Now, we’re not saying the connector buses are bad. They’re super helpful in the winter and when you’re beyond lazy and don’t want to walk across the river and reread the same poorly painted student group panels for the 200th time. However, timing isn’t one of the connector’s strong-suits. While one is supposed to show up every 15 minutes, they normally show up every 25-30 in clusters of three. Have fun getting to your class on West Bank or St. Paul on time.

3.) Asshole Bikers:
The Twin Cities is one of the most bike-friendly areas, but that doesn’t mean the bikers themselves are friendly. The bikers believe they are far-superior to the peasants walking beside them. Their treks to class and Jimmy John’s deliveries are more important than your safety. You’ll need to watch out for the weaving bike lanes around campus, because you might lose an arm if you don’t. Bikers don’t stop for anyone (especially around Bruininks Hall and the Washington Ave. Bridge) so be warned.

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2.) Parking:
If you were planning on bringing your car to campus, we hate to be the bearer of bad news, but don’t. Unless you’re willing to shell out hundreds of dollars for a compact parking spot or you’re prepared to walk from the depths of Narnia where you somehow found free parking, avoid it at all costs. Plus, a car isn’t necessary for freshman year. Sit back and watch the upperclassmen battle to the death for the one available spot.

1.) Lines Lines Lines:
Want a quick cup of joe before class? You better schedule in 15 minutes for the line. Want to grab lunch at Coffman? We hope you have headphones while you wait in the extensive winding line at Panda Express. Want a burrito at any point in the day? Chipotle’s line will be out the door, but any wait is worth that silver foiled deliciousness. The point is, you’re now going to a school with another 50,000 people. Patience is a skill you’ll want to learn sooner rather than later.

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Welcome to the University of Minnesota, freshmen! You’ll learn to love these sucky parts of your college experience right along with the fun of game days and house parties. The University has a lot to offer and will have a lot going on. Throughout your time here, The Black Sheep will always be here to remind you of what all is happening (both good and bad) on campus.