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7 Places to Take Your Visiting Younger Sibling to Intimidate Them about College

One of the few things that college students have going for us is that we’re not in high school anymore, so we get to feel a false sense of superiority over people two years younger than us. This can be used to your advantage when your little brother or sister comes up to visit for the weekend since they’ve yet to experience the world outside of the cocoon of your parent’s house. There are plenty of things on the UMN Campus to burst their bubble of what college is really like:

7.) Centennial Dining Hall:
This one’s just too easy. Is your little sister a picky eater? Does your brother complain about your parents’ cooking constantly? This is one place that will scare them right into being respectful of everything your parents do to put meals on the table. Centennial Dining Hall isn’t just a place where you can find strands of hair in your food–you can find entire hairnets. 

6.) A Trip to St. Paul Campus:
Obviously, the trip to St. Paul is pretty manageable when you know about the bus system, but do your little siblings have any idea how the bus schedule works? Or even that there’s a bus? One surefire way to terrify and exhaust them is casually saying that they can meet you in St. Paul campus. “Oh it’s not too far away, you can definitely walk there, just pull up the directions on your phone!” Hopefully, your siblings are smart enough not to fall for the gag once they see the mileage. 

5.) The Permanent Hotbox in T-Hall:
Look, just letting a high school kid into a dorm is scary enough for them, especially if you take a detour to show them exactly how disgusting the bathrooms are. But there’s nothing quite like that one room down the hall that smells like weed 24/7 and you have to squint through the haze to see inside. Just don’t let your siblings make friends with the neighborhood stoners–your parents might not forgive you for that one.

4.) The Gopher Way Tunnels:
Graduating seniors still get lost in these fuckers, so this is a guaranteed way to scare your siblings shitless. Just casually slip into a side hallway when they’re not looking and wait for the panic to set in. This one’s a double-whammy because then they might even have to ask a college student for directions, which is a whole new kind of terror for itty-bitty high schoolers. You’ll have to make sure that you don’t also get lost down there so the two of you aren’t wandering for the rest of eternity in the weirdest tunnel system known to man.

3.) Your Psych 1001 Lecture:
No matter how big a high school your sibling goes to, sitting them down in a lecture hall of hundreds upon hundreds of people is bound to get their heart rate up. Psych, chemistry, biology, any of the Big Ones with a truly horrendous number of students. This one’s also useful if you want to scare your sibling out of going to UMN and choosing a small school where it’s safer and you don’t have to see them all the time. To each their own.

2.) Walk Down Frat Row:
You don’t even have to go inside any of the houses. Just take your sibling on a late-evening stroll one Friday night so they can vicariously experience all the frat houses from the outside. It’s enough just to bask in the glory of seeing all the white boys wearing basketball shorts, standing outside in 0-degree weather, and steadily getting more and more wasted. Even if your sibling is some kind of badass king or queen of parties in their high school, they’ve got nothing on the frats.

1.) Your Apartment:
Is your apartment fit for the eyes of anyone, let alone someone who could report the state of filth you live in to your parents? If you’re committed to terrifying your younger sibling about what college is going to be like, let them see your place in all its unfettered glory. Condoms and bongs and that one cup of expired yogurt in your fridge that looks like tentacles are growing in it and all.

Nothing will shake your siblings to the core like seeing a glimpse of their future college selves in you. Maybe they’ll like it and want to be just like you. Maybe just seeing that yogurt will make them throw up and never visit you again. You’ll never know until you try it.

 

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