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We Actually Went Inside the Alumni Center and It’s Fancy As Heck

There’s a building on campus that’s so beautiful it’s almost unnecessary. Actually, scratch that, it’s completely unnecessary. The Alumni Center is home to the weirdest and most avant-garde of architecture on campus, and clearly cost the school a pretty hefty fee to even dream up the plans for, let alone build it.

There’s no building on campus quite as in-your-face as the Alumni Center, which is for, you know, alumni. Meaning that most students are not invited inside. Sure, we’re allowed, but it’s not the kind of building that inspires hanging out. And it certainly doesn’t hold classes. Why give students a nice new building when they could try to hook up technology in the oldest buildings on campus?

The Alumni Center looks cool, but when you stare at it for too long, it just becomes a giant cube.
Presumably, there was a more sophisticated imagery in mind, but it honestly looks like a weird drawing in your geometry textbook and not an actual building that people go inside.

Do people actually go inside? It’s yet unknown.

There’s a synthetic pond thing outside the cube that seems to serve no discernable purpose other than the university officials going, “Suck it, we’re rich enough to make water!”

Does the water even flow? Does it accentuate the cube in any way? It kind of looks like it’s just sitting there festering and waiting for someone to fall in. Obviously, the water was only included in the architectural plans for the #drama of it all.

The inside of the cube is just as just unnecessarily dramatic as the outside. Sure, it’s pretty to look at and everything, but can anyone see anything out those windows? What’s the point of including windows if they don’t serve the purpose of a window?

Sure there are plenty of classrooms on campus that have approximately zero windows, but windows might distract us from our learning. A building that has no classes? It can be as distracting as the university officials want it to be.

Well, presumably there have to be some offices in this building–some people have to be allowed inside, even if students clearly aren’t good enough.

These windows look less like there are offices behind them and more like they’re a part of a grungy dystopian film set about a metallic-looking future. And the entire movie will feature a sepia tone and cost way too much money.

Even the bathrooms are fancy and granite-like. You won’t be seeing any bathrooms like this in Lind Hall, folks. You won’t even be seeing any bathrooms like this in Coffman. Maybe there are bathrooms like this at Northrup? That’s a place the public goes, so it’s presumably nicer than those two-stall weird-smell bathrooms in every lecture hall.

Ah yes, the presidents have their own wall of Stained Glass White Guys. They’re given a nice shiny expensive display case here, but the actual buildings named after them? Much less nice. Maybe a better way to honor their White Guy legacy would be on upkeep for their buildings that each of their spirits presumably haunts.

However, there is hope–for some. The Alumni Center is a banquet hall for impressive people and things. So maybe when students prove that they’re impressive, they’ll be invited inside.

It’s either that or you can book your wedding here, and that sounds much more expensive and unnecessary than the building already is. But hey, if you’re looking for a beautifully ridiculous venue for your wedding, maybe you can make use of the Alumni Center at last.

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