CBS Student Fantasizes About Dead End Job

author-pic at University of Minnesota  

A lot of stress and work comes with finals week. This leaves many people questioning their future career paths.

James Wilson sits at his desk in a basement study room of the bio-medical library. His laptop open to the latest Quizlet for his physiology class that he has been memorizing for the last four hours. Jim has his head in his hands, looking up and daydreaming.

When asked what he was daydreaming about, his response was: “Flipping burgers, or pretty much anything else at this point. I’ve been studying all week and the thought of doing a small and brainless task for the rest of my life sounds so much better than this bullshit.”

Wilson is a second year animal science major with dreams of becoming a vet. This dream was made before the soul crushing realities of college academics and real life were placed on him.

“I’ve spent two years doing these science classes and I have retained almost none of the information taught to me,” Wilson said. I just want a job that doesn’t leave me with hours of homework and constant deadlines. A job where I just sit at a desk doing almost nothing and slowly rot away as a worthless peon.”

“Ask me how much organic chemistry I’ve used in my job,” Tracy Schauberger, a third year resident at Boynton said in her interview. “Zero. Literally zero organic chemistry. We have Google now, so we don’t need to memorize this shit. You really think knowing all eight stages of the Krebs cycle in depth really makes you a better neurosurgeon?”

“If I wanna be a vet why is it crucial for me to know how a battery operates? Or how a covalent bond is formed?” Wilson said. “When I worked at McDonald’s over the summer, they didn’t send me home with four hours of ALEKS based on ‘the chemistry of the deep frier.’”

“The chem labs here suck too. Pelton is always skulking around like Darth Vader, making sure her pawns are teaching well,” Wilson said.

Wilson chose to drop out and can now be seen working the front desk at Walter library playing Hearthstone on his laptop. He has gone on record as saying he has “never been happier.”