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A Drunk Interpretation of UMN Campus Art

UMN’s campus is beautiful, and the art sells the aesthetic even more. Most of the time. Some of the art has probably made you raise an eyebrow once or twice, and that’s outside the time you spend shaking your head at the uncomfortably phallic sculpture outside Folwell. Sure, you can complain, but The Black Sheep has a (mostly) comprehensive drunk review of UMN campus art. Put on your thinking caps.

MCB Molecule:The molecule outside MCB is an artist’s interpretation of the wonder and curiosities of chemistry and biology, or so we are told. The thing is, though, it’s not actually a real molecule. It’s a fraud of gargantuan proportions. You heard right–the molecule actually represents the futility of human innovation and how we are all going to die one day. Take that, biology!

Folwell Sculpture:

Someone once said that one of the facets of modern art allows you to feel the same emotions as classical art, but with modern art, you can no longer articulate why you feel that way. But what are we feeling when we look at this uncomfortably phallic metal sculpture? We think it’s something about fiber, or not replying to sketchy Craigslist orgy listings. Its message stands strong even in the most furious of blizzards.

Scholar’s Walk:

The U has the right to brag about its alumni–some of the best and brightest among us. Scholar’s Walk exists to commemorate the brainchildren of the frozen wasteland and serves another purpose: to make the rest of us feel like idiots. Walking through the scrawls and notes of Nobel-prize winning geniuses cements our insecurities and reminds us how insignificant we are. How’s that for interpretation?

Tate Mirror Wall:

The newly remodeled Tate Lab of Physics is a world away from its scary, decrepit former self. The new art outside is a screen with little mirrors all over it that throw light and rattle a bit in the breeze. While pleasant to experience, the old Tate makes itself felt once in a while. You are guaranteed to get hit by a bike and almost smeared into Church Street. It’s called physics. That’s the price we pay for art.

Platonic Figure:

The unfortunate scrubs who walk between the Platonic Figure’s girthy metal legs earn their own spot in campus lore when they fail to graduate in four years, but not many people know the lore of the Tin Man himself. The Platonic Figure fled under the cover of night from the shiny fortress of the Weisman Art Museum, and was frozen in his current position by a freeze-ray created by some ambitious engineering students. Don’t worry, though, he’s not going anywhere anytime soon.

If our livers would let us, we would review every piece of art on campus, from the painfully large to the obscure “fuk kaler” in the Blegen Hall basement Bathroom. Next time you’re out dragging your carcass to class, pay a little attention to the ~beautiful~ art that graces our campus.

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