The social hierarchy is a simple two-tiered system here at the University of Minnesota. At the top of the food chain are members of Greek life, while the rest of us peasants spend hopeless nights aching to be accepted by these divine beings. What happened to good old-fashioned drinking with boat shoes and pastel clothing? Thanks to a few disgruntled whistleblowers, The Black Sheep has unveiled some of the quirky tactics that fraternities use to maintain their social dominance.
7.) Online presence:
In today’s recruiting environment, online presence is pivotal for frats. When it comes to impressive websites, Alpha Delta Phi clearly takes the cake with their beautifully designed page.
Speaking of online presence, Greekrank.com can also be useful for reputation upkeep. Sigma Chi members work smarter not harder by consistently self-ranking themselves to stay in the top three. This foothold atop a useless website that nobody except Greek people read is a great strategy. Booking a bunch of shitty rappers to perform in your parking lot works pretty well too.
5.) PR attention:
PR attention can be a double-edged sword for frats. One house that’s always been talented at keeping the media at bay is Sigma Alpha Epsilon. Chapter president and self-proclaimed cake-eater, Caspian Lockwood’s main strategy for getting MN Daily reporters to hush up are by letting them hang out in the front yard of parties with the lion statues, citing “they’re just too fucking weird to actually let inside the house.”
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4.) Being chill:
Delta Tau Delta members take a different approach and try to cater to a more laid back and alternative lifestyle. These edgy vape gods can be seen wowing potential pledges with smoke tornadoes and steezy longboard kickflips.
3.) Social media:
FIJI works hard to remain relevant by dominating the social media scene. A viral video of a pledge drinking his own urine really ups the ante. No, this isn’t hazing, it’s just your average weird night out with the boys of FIJI. Who wouldn’t want to hang out with them?
2.) Core values:
Core values, a widespread practice used by frat stars to make themselves sound like they give a shit about anything other than Natty Light and punching holes in drywall. Sigma Nu really knocks it out of the park with Love, Honor, Truth. Sign us up.
1.) Just existing:
Some chapters like Farmhouse in Saint Paul market themselves just by existing. Who wouldn’t want to sleep on hay beds, ‘wrastle’ livestock, and drink non-alcoholic beer out of a trough?
Regardless of the different promotional strategies behind each frat, there’s a clear solution for those of us that still haven’t discovered how to achieve A-list status on campus: fork out hundreds of dollars each semester in exchange for “making” friends and sweatily grinding on unknown objects in dark basements every weekend.
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