In college, it seems like you’re always caught between a rock and a hard place: A lab report and an unrelated homework assignment, a midterm and a forgotten paper. Most days, one hardly has time to make lemonade from the countless lemons being thrown at them, but one can always make time for a laugh. Here are a few U of M jokes to lighten your day.
“Yo momma so easy, even CLA kids can do her”:
Whether it’s spending time in the lab for chemistry or bumpin’ uglies between the book stacks to study for Biology of Sex, everyone is always cramming something in somewhere. Then there are the CLA students complaining about the three-page reflection they have to write about their goals for the future, prompting several angry looks from sleep-deprived CSE, CBS, and other non-CLA students.
“What is Goldy’s response to Iowa fans? Goph-uck yourself!”:
Keep in mind this phrase isn’t just reserved for Iowa, but rather Iowa and a few of their Midwestern counterparts, in an “enemies of my enemies are my friends” sort of way. While Iowa, Wisconsin, and even UND tend to get the brunt of the sports-related jokes and insults, the U of M is really just so gosh darn proud of their Gopher-related puns that they really don’t even need an excuse to use them. They just go-pher it.
“If I had a dollar for every time College Works Painting tried to recruit me for an internship, I’d have enough money to start my own pyramid scheme”:
After you’ve been here longer than a semester, chances are you’ve learned not to make the mistake of filling out those sheets of paper strategically handed out before each class promising that you could make upwards of $10,000. This just leaves the freshmen and transfer students as targets; the naively ambitious, blind-to-the-obvious freshmen who must learn through experience.
“Yo momma so ugly, when U of M students see her they’re like, ‘Ski-U-NAH!’”:
Once any sports season gets underway, rivalries flourish. There will be smack-talk between both sides and boos fighting against cheers every time a team scores or someone spills their beer. Then there are the away games, where a small group of die-hard Gopher fans find themselves vastly outnumbered by the opposing team’s forces. At these times the opposing side’s fans just decide to say whatever insulting thing they can think of to compensate for their small penises. And who doesn’t enjoy a good “yo mamma” joke to break the tension every now and then anyways?
“Why is most of Sanford taking Physics 1201W this semester? They heard it was a weed out class”:
Territorial is the party hall; Frontier is the LLC dorm; Middlebrook is where the honors students are exiled; Bailey is for those who applied the latest, and Sanford is where stoners are found. There’s a reason that the C3 runs out of dryer sheets and Febreeze the quickest there.
With it being second semester and winter, a laugh is much needed. Whether the jokes are cheesy, witty, relatable, or the kind you can only share with a select number of people without being judged, jokes are appreciated. So before grades start coming out, remember to take time to laugh while you can.