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Top 10 Cold Weather Sex Positions for Every Gopher

Unsurprisingly, 2017 is beginning with a cyclical and sorrowful bout of cold. Even though the temperature has dropped, that doesn’t mean your sex life should freeze as well. Don’t let your dry skin, frostbitten toes, chapped lips, and extra holiday pounds keep you from getting it on. The Black Sheep staff (a.k.a certified sex gods) has rounded up their best sex positions for spicing up your love life.

 

10.) The Lofted Bed:

Recreate the awkward sexual encounters from freshman year by doing it on the smallest, most unstable surface you can find – like your first lofted bed! Do it on a coffee table, an ottoman, or a yoga ball. You’ll relive the glory days of impersonal one-night stands, paranoia that your roommate will wake up, and constant fear that your lofted bed will break from too much thrusting (although we would count that as a victory).

 
9.) The Winter Biker:

Put on a ski mask when you go down on them. It’ll cause a whole bunch of warm, fuzzy sensations down there and have your lover begging for more. Don’t have a ski mask? Take a normal winter hat, pull it down over your face and cut holes in it. Half the fun is looking creepy and making your lover uncomfortable.

 

8.) Sweeten It Up:

The only thing better than sex is chocolate. Why not have both? Draw a steamy candlelit bath of hot cocoa for two. Then, surprise your lover by wearing nothing but marshmallows (or mini-marshmallows for those of you less endowed) covering your naked bod.

 

7.) Do the Goldy:

Get on top and ride your partner like a sexy, sexy… gopher. Beat their Badger by wiggling back and forth like Goldy, and you’ll score in your sex partner’s end zone without a fumble.

 

6.) St. Paul Threesome:

This is great for couples that want to spice it up, but get jealous easily. Invite a third person, but make sure they are far enough away so that you forget about them from time to time. Only get them involved when you need to “plow some fields” if you catch our drift.

 

5.) Hot-Hands Job:

If you just walked in the door after a romantic date, take your gloves off, but leave the Heatmax Hothands on like a true Minnesotan. You’ll literally heat things up by giving them the handjob of their life. Hopefully it won’t be too hot to handle.

 

4.) The Washington Ave. Stoplight:

This is a great way to last longer or make your partner extremely frustrated. Right before you or your partner climaxes, yell “WAIT” continuously until you make them late for class.

 

3.) New Locations:

Sex can get pretty boring if you’re always doing it in in the same tiny bedroom as your roommate plays solitaire in the next room. Switch it up! Get frisky in the back of the Gopher Chauffer. Bend over for a quickie at the Rec Center while you pretend to tie your shoes. Even if you get caught, you’ll just get arrested for being too sexy.

 

2.) Fantasy Roleplay:

Whether you’ve been with the same person since junior prom, or you don’t like your FWB’s personality, roleplay can enhance the dynamics of the bedroom. For example, one of you can dress up like a Jimmy John’s delivery person and get freaky, FAST.

 

1.) D.I.Y Bondage:

You can bring some naughty toys into the bedroom without having to make an uncomfortable trip to Sex World. Get creative with what you have! Cut off the ropes of your Welcome Week knapsack to tie your partner to the bed and use the bag for a blindfold. You’ll have them saying, “G-Double-O-D J-O-B” in no time.

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