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Top 10 Places on the UMN Campus to Cry About the State of Your Life

College is more fun than pizza in a bouncy house, but that doesn’t keep feelings of hopelessness, as deep and vast as your college debt, away. In order to minimize the number of people who stare at you and make you feel even more self-conscious about the mess that is your life, The Black Sheep has compiled a list of the best places to cry on campus. (You’re welcome.)

 

10.) The Gopher Way:
Any person in the Gopher Way will likely be in tears because they are lost and/or frightened. Walk down to the tunnels, find a crying partner, and start sobbing about not having enough money to buy the Caramel-Brownie Frap you so desperately need.

 

9.) The BioCommons:
Tucked away in the basement of Moos, the BioCommons is a small room without windows where students in CBS can go to study, all while acquiring a Vitamin D deficiency. Lucky for you, the card reader has been broken lately, so you can keep nosey, judgmental people out while you mourn the loss of any and all direction in your life.

 

8.) Basement of Peik Hall:
Where is Peik Hall? Exactly. The eerie abandoned hallways make this spot perfect for both ghoulish spirits and crybabies. Feel free to snivel about how Target Express doesn’t sell cheese pizza rolls; the ghosts won’t judge you.

 

7.) The Light Rail:
Just like the subways of New York, the Light Rail is no stranger to bizarre characters and outlandish behavior. Rumor has it that a man once took a dump in the middle of the Light Rail car. Bottom line, if you tear up on the Light Rail because you drunk emailed your professor telling them to “kiss your bum-bum,” you will by no means be the weirdest one there.

 

6.) “The Pit” of Rarig:
With students often rehearsing and preparing for performances, anything dramatic in this area will be viewed as acting. So go ahead, whimper and wail all you want. You might even get a round of applause for your talents —all while you feel like you have no talents at all.

 

5.) The Landing Outside the Lower Level of Kolthoff:
When standing in this poorly-lit corner, pedestrians will either not see you or assume that you’re a murderer—both of which are better outcomes than people knowing that tears of failed Psych1001 are streaming down your face.

 

4.) RecWell:
Is it sweat? Did you splash your face with water? Are you crying like a baby? No one has to know the truth, as your sweat-mixed tears slip down your face during Zumba.

 

3.) Vending Machine Nook in Blegen:
Located across the hall from Subway, this nook has various vending machines for emotional eating. Buy yourself a treat before wedging between two machines. You can turn on the waterworks while you remember how fit you were before adopting a steady diet of Mesa and Shuang Cheng take-out.

 

2.) The Grey “Trash Only” Bins:
If you feel like your life is exceptionally messy, it might help to “throw yourself away” for a while until you’re done pouting about it. The “trash only” bins are scattered all over campus, providing you with a place to hide whenever your emotions become stronger than your ability to appear like a put-together human being.

 

1.) Anywhere on the St. Paul Campus:
The St. Paul Campus is the number one place to cry at the University of Minnesota because very few people willingly spend time there. So go ahead, weep, howl, scream, bawl, and curse, it’ll make you feel better again. That is, until the next time your relatives ask “what’re you going to do after college, exactly?”

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