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UMN Majors Renamed to Fit What They Actually Are

The University of Minnesota is a humongous school with a plethora of majors, making it hard to settle on one. Some majors may sound appealing, but in actuality the name of the major has nothing to do with the material. To avoid wasting four years of your life, here are the honest names for commonly misleading majors at the University of Minnesota.

Bachelor of Individualized Studies –Studying Whatever the Fuck I Want:

Clearly, these people don’t give a fuck about their education. Want to study three random majors and avoid all the hard classes? Well here you go.

Cultural Studies and Comparative Literature – Marxism:

The name may imply a literary study, but the only kind of essays you will read in this major are the anti-capitalism kind. Expect a lot of lectures about socialism, the economic revolution, and how to sound pretentious while simultaneously talking complete nonsense.

Studies in Cinema and Media Culture –Watching Netflix as Homework:

If you think watching movies is doing academic work, you clearly don’t understand the word academic. Netflix isn’t a textbook, it’s something people do when they prefer to bathe in the dark solitude of their meek existence instead of being acclimated to society. However, if you really wanna stick it to the man by watching more Netflix than what should be humanly possible, this major is for you.

Leadership Minor – I Desperately Need Something to Put on My Resume:

This isn’t a major, but holy shit is it ridiculous. Expect to spend a lot of time listening to peppy T.A.’s who actually think they’re contributing to society by teaching students “skills” required for leadership.

Theatre Arts – How to be a Street Performer:

No matter how good you are, theater students inevitably end up on the street. Despite this sounding bleak, at least you will be able to offer some quality entertainment to troubled souls in these tumultuous times.

Mortuary Science – My Life is More Depressing than Yours:

College is depressing enough with all the stress and student loans, but this major really takes it to a whole other level. But who knows, maybe there’s something invigorating about making the dead look alive instead of being alive in class while looking dead.

Chemical Engineering – Normal Engineering is for Stupid People:

Yes, yes, we get it, you’re a goddamn genius because you can do physics and chemistry. Bonus: this major also teaches you how to treat students who aren’t in the sciences with as much respect as a moist napkin.

Anthropology – Scientific Racism:

Studies of cultures are bad enough, but when you include a biological aspect to it, then it just becomes racist. If analyzing and comparing bone structures of people from different cultures isn’t xenophobic, than nothing is.



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