The semester is coming to an end and we can get the hell out of the mump infested petri dish we call Mizzou. Although the closure may be sad for most, we can all agree we are happy as fuck to be done with the shit Mizzou has thrown at us this past semester. And lucky for you we’re to help you remember the things you won’t miss about Mizzou over break…
4.) S C H O O L:
DUH. First and foremost the whole “school” thing is never working out. It’s like the word “fetch,” it’s never gonna happen. Especially those last two weeks where you’re scrambling to get your grades up and study for finals but for shits and giggles your professors decide to give you more assignments. Dude, no one is trying to write a five page interpretation on the meaning behind a fucking sneeze. Let us take our finals and leave, you’ve put us through enough. Thanks.
3.) 10 below guy:
That guy you drunkenly made out with last weekend will go home and you’ll never see him again. TBH he most likely forgot your name right after you sucked faces. The only thing that sucks about that is now you run the risk of seeing one or many of your ex-high school flings around town. But that beats awkwardly standing in line at Plaza behind the guy whose mouth you explored like an undersea cave last night.
2.) The Mizzou Mumps (and the 10,000 emails we keep receiving about it):
If students would keep their mouths in their pants, we wouldn’t have necks the size of watermelons. We already don’t want to go to class, but if you tell us mumps are floating around, we will cut off limbs, jump in front of moving vehicles, do just about anything to not have to. Everyone just go home and get well and stop swapping spit and getting everyone sick.
1.) Your Roommate:
Remember when you thought it was a GREAT idea to get a shoe closet of a dorm room with your best friend? L O L well you aren’t best friends anymore, you are both secretly hoping the other one doesn’t come back after break. Maybe even wishing the mumps on them. For a month you will not have to deal with their shit being literally everywhere, how bad they smell when they haven’t bathed in days and the disgusting smelling food they bring into the room and ‘forgetting to throw away’ for their bug friends to eat. Being at home doesn’t seem so bad anymore.
Way to go pal, you’ve made it through a semester without killing someone, or getting caught for it. Finals are but a tiny bump in the road, you will do great, maybe, who’s to say really, just hope you at least get a C. Wherever home is, it will be fun and relaxing for about the first week and a half. But by week two, even though some things about Mizzou are obnoxious and way too extra, you’ll be itching to come back.