It might be risky putting this article out into the world, especially considering “Responsibility” is one of our core values at Mizzou, but the math on the cheating that goes on here, luckily only requires high school learning. It goes like this, for every student in class who fills out the study guide, there are about 5-15 of us that have a copy. With those statistics we can conclude that the kid who you are planning on cheating off of, is probably cheating off of you too, which brings us to our first example of q cheater at Mizzou:
5.) The Peaker:
This is perhaps the laziest, and the most elementary style of cheating, but we’ve all done it. Peaking is what we grew up on and lived off of, until somewhere along the way, math boxes turned into this short answer bullshit, so now you know for damn sure the kid next to you knows less than you do. But if peaking is what kept you here at this fine institution, then we applaud you, you earned it.
4.) The Test Swapper:
This is strongly believed to be the first studying tool learned in college. As soon as we get here, the professors try to pull a fast one on us by brewing up the most devious and suspect move in the game, and hits us with two different versions of the test. In this case, unless the professor looks you in the eyes as you are taking your exam, just take the next “Version A.” Not only is this almost James Bond move brilliant, it is courteous to the next two “Version B” kids sitting next to you. We’re in this together.
3.) The Kid Who Always Has the Test:
These files usually come from the Greek life test files, which is a vault of gold that is given to a good sum of students. But if you’ve ever looked for something in there, you know that finding a test file is like finding a senior at Fieldhouse, very hard to do. So to the kids that buckle down and find it for the rest of us, we appreciate you more than you know.
2.) The Recycler:
The Recycler is a type of cheating that applies not only to finals, but the whole year. Yet it is such an important style of cheating that it is very worth noting. Recycling is the number one benefit of having older friends at Mizzou. Yes, we would be more than happy to swipe you in, in exchange for every lab you turned in for astronomy last semester. Oddly enough, it is actually a very fair trade.
1.) The Scribbler:
This is definitely one of the most desperate moves of cheating, but still the effort needs to be applauded. We’ve all been there, when we sit down to study for a test and realize that we don’t even know what we don’t know, and the exam is later today and your Adderall hasn’t kicked in yet. The point is, you’re not above it. Scribbling might be a sad last straw, but it shows a “never give up” spirit, and that should count for something.
Whatever type of cheater you are, or if you’re a good student with morals who does their own work, good luck on finals. Stay strong, they’ll be over in a week.