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5 Places an “Alleged” Drunk Jordan Barnett Might Have Been Driving

It’s not everyday a Mizzou athlete gets busted for something (okay, it’s every other week), but when it does happen, there’s always a bit too much hype about the program’s demise. Now, without Barnett (busted for a DUI, didn’t you hear?) the world won’t end, but we might just not make it past the first round without him there. We’ve been playing on nine “decent” players for most of the season now anyway, what’s one more? “Allegedly” drunk Jordan Barnett, where were you driving last week? 

5.) Gas station:
The bar’s watered down wells didn’t get the job done for the night, so a late night liquor store run is needed. Maybe Jordan just wasn’t satisfied with the drink specials at Willies and made the decision to drive to get another case of beer? Maybe he was just trying to crack some cold ones with the boys after a tough loss? This has to be the best explanation to why a drunk Jordan Barnett, a week before the BIG tournament, would get behind the wheel and attempt to operate a vehicle.

4.) Mizzou Arena:
This is probably where most of Mizzou fans would have wanted Jordan to be driving to, after shooting 1-8 from the field and finishing with a scorching three points. It’s safe to say he may have just been trying to get some reps in after a heartbreaking performance to Georgia. Maybe if he practices drunk, it will be a lot easier to perform sober? Maybe he just wanted to take the edge off before going to try and save his shot before the tournament? 

3.) Side chick (he got the “you up?” text):
Why else would someone get behind the wheel drunk at 3 a.m.? Everyone knows that when you get that text, you drop everything in your life in that moment to respond (or just get your ass over there). Now, obviously Jordan wasn’t thinking straight, and we all know what alcohol can impair. He probably got home safe and sound, with a sober ride of course, then got the “you up?” from a girl and the rest was history.

2.) El Rancho:
If Jordan is like every other Mizzou student, then the alcohol obviously told him he was craving some nachos from El Rancho and didn’t even think twice about it. Maybe he wanted to feel welcomed by the loving workers, who happen to be professionals when it comes to handling intoxicated students. The fact that he was pulled over because he couldn’t stay in one lane shows that he was pretty hammered, which also means there is no doubt El Rancho was on his mind. 

1.) To his momma’s house:
Everyone needs a little encouragement from their mother after a bad day on the job. Considering Barnett couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a boat against Georgia, a visit to his mother might have been the fix for all of his problems. Everybody loves a good home-cooked meal from their mother in tough times, so going to see his mom isn’t TOTALLY out of the realm of possibilities. 

There’s really no telling what possessed him to engage in such a heinous crime (in the eyes of the fans), but whatever the reason, his dumbass is still sitting out the first game of the NCAA Tournament whether we like it or not. Nice going, Barnett!

 

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