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Mizzou Coffee Reviews From a Guy Who Has Never Drank Coffee Before

With one month left before we can finally forget about all of the fucking stress brought on from college, it’s the season for pulling all-nighters and being jacked up on caffeine throughout the days while cramming. Well, we at The Black Sheep have decided to go to some of the coffee places on campus to see what all the hype is about this “coffee” thing that seems to be all the rage these days.

4.) Infusion in the Student Center:
I ordered a straight black coffee, and I immediately remembered why I didn’t drink coffee before my whole life. It tasted like hot, burnt, rock water. I ordered just a black coffee to see what coffee tasted like at its pure devilish base, and now I understand why everyone puts so much shit in it.

Overall rating: 3.4, but maybe because it had nothing in it.

3.) Starbucks in the Union:

Ahhh, the apparent “go-to” coffee of every girl in the U.S. After getting straight black coffee the last time, I ordered an iced coffee with milk, and things started to turn around a bit. Gotta say, believe the hype. Not sure I would need to have it before every single class like some people, but I can see why people have it in their classes.

Overall rating: 7.2

 

 

2.) Kaldi’s in Ellis:

Hazelenut crème. Might as well have put a couple of roasted hazelnuts in some water and served that, because that’s all I could taste. Also, hot coffee loving to burn a person’s tongue is not cool. That definitely played into the rating of this shit cup of coffee.

Overall rating 2.4, and I’m possibly be generous with that. 

1.) Lakota in the Union:

Got the tall cappuccino. For you non-coffee drinkers, a tall is actually small. Learned that the hard way. Surprisingly, not bad coffee. Maybe it was my caffeine addiction starting to form, but it wasn’t the worst drink in the entire world. Wouldn’t spend $4 for another one, but wouldn’t turn down a free one.

Overall rating: 5.9, bonus points for having a mean cookie as well.

All right, its official. Anyone that drinks coffee for the taste of it is mentally insane. I understand if you do it for the caffeine, because after drinking three straight cups, I could definitely feel it. But coffee tastes like shit, end of discussion. Maybe it was the places, or maybe it was because I don’t know how the hell you are supposed to order coffee, but regardless, I have given up on coffee for good.

 

 

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