Seniors, it’s April. You’re about a month away from finally graduating (GTFO already). After four agonizing years, you’ll get an $80,000 piece of paper that will have your name on it, so frame that bitch. We’re legitimately surprised you made it this far. The Black Sheep is celebrating these Tigers’ success by plunging into their thoughts and sharing them with the entire Mizzou campus. Listen up juniors…
5.) “I’m almost free, bitches”:
Fuck this class and fuck this professor (not literally). You are still mildly hungover from Spring Break 2k18, and you are graduating in a month. Everything is irrelevant. You haven’t showered in three days, and you dare someone to give you a weird look. However, like a prisoner about to get out on good behavior, please pretend like you still give half a shit.
4.) “The things I would do to pay off my student loans scare me”:
You haven’t even gotten the first bill yet, but we can promise you it will hurt a lot once you do. Good thing you spent your tax return on tequila shots. We suggest a job—they are always looking for someone to wear the Truman Tiger suit!
We know you’ve written and deleted a text to your parents five times asking to move in with them forever. Hey, we get it. After experiencing how expensive rent can be, a spacious basement seems like a pretty sweet deal. We hope one day you will be able to support yourself half as well as that pull out couch will support your back.
2.) “Should I even go to graduation or should I just drink all day instead?”:
We recommend both. Make it a game with your friends. See who can walk the straightest line on their way to receiving their degree and not disappoint their parents in the process.
1.) “….now what?”:
Yeah…after working 19+ years of your life towards this one goal this question is a fair one to ask. A few days after graduation, we are sure you and your friends will look at each other with the same confusion the fish from Finding Nemo exhibited after escaping from the tank into the ocean. Welcome to the jungle, Tigers.
Welp, we’re sorry if those aren’t the words you want to hear… but we know you’re thinking them. Sucks to suck, losers!