Thanksgiving is right around the corner! Why not celebrate by beating this dead horse some more! Let’s talk about the Mayflower, but not just any boring blah blah Mayflower, Truman’s Mayflower. If Truman the Tiger were the captain of that ship, the 66-day voyage would’ve been more like spring break in PCB. Those Pilgrims would’ve been so wasted, the trip would’ve seemed like they just got on and then got right off. Everything in between would have been a mystery. Now there is just speculation of what Truman brought on the Mayflower… luckily for you, the staff at The Black Sheep has gathered up some evidence.
7.) Mountain of cocaine:
Truman loves to stir shit up, so he brought his stash to make it snow in the New World. Unfortunately, his little goodies got some of our football players hooked… why not spice up the university with a little scandal?
6.) Spare tails:
Gotta have those spare tails to whip all those hoes. Truman is a busy ladies man, from football games, to basketball, to baseball and softball, to gymnastics… the hoes are surrounding him or flagging him down. He’s gotta be prepared for anything. It is cuffing season after all, maybe he’s gotta use his spare tails to tie down some lady tigers.
5.) The yellow fire truck:
With Truman, comes the yellow annoying-ass fire truck. He knew that somewhere down the line he would use this truck to spray water all over inebriated toddlers at a football game. It has become a staple at the university. That fire truck is held at a higher standard than the students’ education (but that’s just speculation).
4.) Everyone’s favorite frat dad:
Of course you have to have a frat daddy to get the tradition started. He’s an all-out frat dad, khaki shorts, Hawaiian shirt, Sperry’s, and you can’t forget the Croakies. For some reason, women will flock to him even though he couldn’t care less about them. Truman really knows how to pick out a perfect gentleman.
3.) T-shirt cannon:
The t-shirt cannon was Truman’s weapon of choice once the Mayflower made it to Plymouth (If you catch the drift). If you don’t, Truman used the t-shirt cannon to murder the native people and steal their land… pretty interesting choice. The t-shirt cannon lives on, being a pointless piece of machinery for cheerleaders to use for attention.
2.) A wardrobe of LBDs:
You can’t come to a college town without little black dresses! That’s blasphemous. The LBD is such a big deal, every girl has one and wears it every game day like they are so cute and original. But you have to agree, Truman has phenomenal fashion taste.
1.) The Columns:
The story that the university tells you about the columns being the only things left after a building burned down is a load of shit. Truman actually brought them over on the Mayflower and had the frat dad place them in the middle of a grassy patch. Now they are one of the most known symbols of the university (and relentless penis memes).
Truman’s voyage on the Mayflower was lit as fuck, people are still crying over not being able to be on the ship with him. But nonetheless, he brought some interesting things with him that caused a lot of interesting scandals. Let’s hope he has more secrets up his sleeve. Truman, we are truly thankful for you.
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