The world is a beautiful place, Tigers. It’s full of butterflies, rainbows, fake IDs, and frat parties. However, sometimes the world isn’t such a beautiful place and Fieldhouse gets raided. Or you chug some jungle juice and poorly conceal that Svedka bottle under your arm. Suddenly, lights are in your face, people are asking questions, and you’re hit with an MIP. Lucky for you, we here at The Black Sheep have some very clever ideas on how to smoothly get out of it like it never even happened.
7.) Pee yourself:
Hear us out. You probably have already broken the seal earlier in the night, and you’ve been denying yourself sweet relief to continue doing jello shots. Maybe the officer will feel bad for you, maybe they just don’t want to deal with it, but they will 99% probably let you go. Go ahead, let it out.
6.) Scale the columns:
This is it. You’ve been taking all of those rock climbing classes at the Mizzou Rec, and it is now your time to shine. The officer will be so impressed by your Spiderman-like skills they will forget all about the previous situation and chose to marvel at your awesomeness. Or, they’ll call the fire department to help get you down. Either way, this is a sure way to get them to at least forget about giving you an MIP.
5.) Claim you’re MPJ’s sibling:
The Porter name holds a lot of weight here in CoMo. While we do not endorse special celebrity treatment, we might just let it slide to help a fellow Tiger out. They might not believe you’re the next NBA superstar, but if you make it a pity party about how you’re the sibling everyone forgot about, they might just let you off the hook.
4.) Say you’re Batman:
Look officer it’s been a really rough night dealing with many jokers. You just wanted to have a good time and let loose. Sure, fighting crime doesn’t have an age limit but having a cold one with the boys does? Pfft. We call bullshit.
3.) Tell them you can’t disappoint Truman:
Disappointing your parents is a daily thing. So much so even the police officer won’t even care. But disappointing Truman? That loveable, creepy-looking Tiger? That’s just unbearable. Just don’t make it sound like you’re scared of Truman. We can’t have another Title IX case on our hands.
2.) Play dead:
Hey, it works for opossums, and you are desperate. It’s worth a shot (and no frat boys, not tequila shots).
Look, everyone just wants to go home, and we know you’ve been wanting to try yodeling ever since that Walmart kid blew up on Twitter. Belt it out, Tigers. Let them hear you roar.
If none of those work, you’re probably SOL. But The Black Sheep wishes you the best of luck!