It’s a tradition unlike any other–The Black Sheep’s Annual Group Project Mock Draft. Taking libary study rooms and college coffee shops by storm, semester group projects are getting underway around the country, and we’ve broken down this year’s top five group project recruits. While we can’t claim to know how the actual draft will go down, we’ve gathered dozens of scout’s opinions to give you the most well-rounded look into this year’s talent, starting at No. 5.
5.) Trish — “The Better-Than-You Overachiever”:
“Trish (do not call her Patricia) will not deal with your bullshit,” a scout said. “She’s a smart cookie, but if you dare mention something off topic in a group discussion, she’ll jump down your throat.”
Her incredible studying habits–a product of 12 years in the revered St. Francis Rosemary Academy in upstate New York, as well as a mastery in six different musical and medical instruments–makes her the most diligent group project recruit this year, but scouts warn: “It’s a group project, not a Trish project. Often, she doesn’t know the difference.”
4.) Richard — “The Under-The-Radar Whiz Kid”:
Just a freshman, Richard somehow worked his way into a class mostly inhabited by juniors and senior, but he hasn’t looked back since. “He has a killer smile, muscular frame, and, perhaps more importantly, a keen eye for reading through the assignment requirement multiple times,” one scout said, but warns that “he often gets sidetracked on best-of compilation videos on Instagram.”
What Richard lacks in experience he makes up in his ability to keep the group calm, and, coming down the stretch, that may prove an invaluable asset to any team.
3.) Jacqueline — “The Good Girl Gone Bad”:
Heading into the 2017 academic calendar, Jacqueline was seen as a solid No. 1 pick by many, but following a nearly semester-long stint of Tuesday night happy hours and becoming good friends with Kyle, a drug dealer down the hall, Jacqueline has seen her draft stock plummet.
She was once mentioned as “someone who has things going for her” by her academic advisor and even scored a 5 on her AP English exam in high school, but her partying tendencies have become Jacqueline’s kryptonite. “High risk, high reward with this one,” a scout warns.
2.) Daniel — “The Too-Busy-To-Take-Showers Prodigy”:
One scout said: “During the spring semester of his sophomore year, Daniel single-handedly reserved all the fourth floor study rooms between 6-10 p.m. in the library as a precautionary measure just in case a group project was assigned in any of his six classes.”
Daniel has been compared to this year’s Scott Howard–the 2009 phenom who went as far to stay up 53 straight hours to complete his group’s project–and could very well take the No. 1 spot if a group is willing to put up with the often unbearable stench that comes with him not wearing deodorant.
1.) Maria — “The Girl Who Already Graduated College But Is Somehow In Your Class”:
A nearly unknown before this semester, scouts found that Maria already graduated from college in 2016 and she’s back in school get a master’s degree.
“Her qualifications cannot be overstated,” a scout said. Maria has “at least completed 4-5 group projects, liked school so much she went back, and, since she’s getting a master’s, she can’t afford to fail a class.” Scouts are unsure if she has a fiancé or stable boyfriend that may interrupt any weekday meetings, but promise that she’ll make an “immediate and drastic impact on any group project.”
Where will you be when history happens? Be sure to tune in to this year’s Group Project Draft to see where your classmates are headed!
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