Apple Leak Confirms ‘iFront’ — iPad Frontpack — Coming To Market

author-pic at The Black Sheep  

In a monumental sequence of events that will largely be talked about as the demise of coolness as we know it, Apple has confirmed that it will release the iFront, a front bookbag-meets-iPad that seeks to “bring together front-backpack wearers and the rest of the world,” a source inside Apple said.

The leak, which was made available to The Black Sheep late Monday and later confirmed, includes details of the iFront, as well as promotional material intended to market the product.

“With the ten-year anniversary of the iPhone and the buzz that continued to surround it, we wanted to introduce something completely different and unique and turn the idea of ‘cool’ on it’s head” said Apple CEO, Tim Cook, in the leak. “The iFront does just that. We took something so uncool and wrong— wearing a backpack frontways—and turned it into a $799 product that is likely to sell out the moment I say “i.”  

iFront, which will be marketed toward college students who have decided their life’s work will be dedicated to wearing backpacks frontways, will have specifications similar to iPads on the market today, though will feature two straps that will make it easier for nerds to wear frontways, details of the leak said. Those who purchase iFront will be able to add stretch pockets for the sides of the iFront, which are intended to hold “Mountain Dew Code Red, or whatever sugary drink nerds are drinking now,” the leak said.

The iFront was largely thought to be in the prototype stages when late CEO Steve Jobs was at the helm of the company, sources said, though was put on the backburner due to visionary differences. The iFront’s screen is hard to navigate while it’s nerdly placed on someone’s chest, though Jobs held a belief that more things were meant to be displayed across the human race’s chest. 

According to author Walter Isaacson, who wrote an encyclopedic biography on Jobs in 2011, Jobs had long admired the contrarian ways of front backpacks and for years had contributed to a nonprofit to bring awareness to front-backpack wearers.

“Steve knew that pockets, zippers, and compartments of a backpack were completely useless if they were 180-degrees opposite one’s chest,” Isaacson told us by phone. “It seems Apple finally took a stance in the long-running debate on how backpacks should, and will, be worn for the next hundred years with the introduction of iFront.”

Tim Cook is expected to present iFront to audiences around the world on Tuesday, as well as new products iPocket, Apple’s foray into pocket watches, and iMonocle, an experiment to blend together bourgeois eye vision and the ability to track where UberEats deliveries are located.

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