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Booze Review: Ole Smokey Cookies and Cream Whiskey

As you get older, you get tired of the same old mixed drinks, full of ice and no alcohol. You didn’t go to college to drink ice water. Then again, growing up sucks and sometimes you want to just go to your local, out-of-business ice cream store for some cookies and cream. Thankfully, a genius added alcohol to it, so we had to review it.

 Grade: A

Smells Like:
The indistinguishable scent of a sad Baskin Robbins/Dunkin’ Donuts store.

Tastes Like:
The ass of the E.L. Fudge Cookie elf.

 Typical Drinkers:
– The coked-out Cookie Crisp cereal mascot.
– The hooligan who stole the cookie from the cookie jar.
– An extremely sad Ben & Jerry.
– The Cookie Monster after a tough day on the street.
– That one weird dude you know who drinks ice cream like soup.

User Comments:
– “I’m cuckoo for a freakin’ drink.”
– “C is for cookie and that’s not good enough for me; I need alcohol.”
– “I’m only drinking this because I found a raisin in my cookie.”
– “What doesn’t have alcohol in it at this point?”

Best Described As A Drink Superior To:
Your lame, straight-laced friend who thinks some vanilla creme drink is tame, yet cool.

Has Alcohol Gone Too Far With Its Flavors?:
You’ve gone too far for asking the wrong question. Whiskey isn’t that good, so it needs a hip flavor to attract ~millennials~.

Will This Stop Me From Eating Ice Cream?:
Eating too much ice cream or drinking too much whiskey will cause you immense health issues. But hey, we’re all going to die prematurely.

We Mixed It With:
Some sprinkles. Ice cream is still ice cream! Grab your spoon.

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