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Booze Review: Rolling Rock

In honor of the approaching Darty Szn™ and the excessive day drinking that it entails, we took it upon ourselves to review the most notorious college drink of all college drinks: Rolling Rock. It’s time to start training for the Olympic event of “Dodging Empty Rolling Rock Cans In The Sidewalk On The Way To Class.” You’ll get a gold medal from it, we’re sure.

Grade: D-

 Smells Like:
A glimpse into a future where you’re 40 and stealing tiny shampoo bottles and soap from hotels.

 Tastes Like:
Exactly what you paid for.

 Typical Users:
– Guy in your advertising class who’s failing because he skips class to day drink.
– Your frat brother that tries and fails to make in onto Barstool’s Instagram page.
– People who mooch off your JUUL because they don’t want to buy their own.
– Girls at frat parties when they’re out of liquor and still not satisfyingly drunk.
– Your little brother who’s visiting for the weekend and being peer pressured to drink.

 User Comments:
– “It doesn’t even taste that bad.”
– “Babe, could we go to McDonald’s? I’m poor.”
– “Could you Venmo me back for that sip you just had?”
– “Turn Post Malone on!”

Best Described As A Drink Superior To:
Your actual urine.

Is it better than Budweiser?:
If you’ve had the luxury of tasting any beer over $8 for a 12-pack, no.

Stereo? Sunglasses? Play time?:
Stereo: Blasting Post Malone. Sunglasses: On. Play time: Off.

Is there any other purpose to this besides drinking it?
Once you’re done with your 64-pack, cut out the logo from the box to tape to your living room wall.

We Mixed It With:
60 degree weather and forcibly throwing a football with your frat brothers on your front lawn.

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