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Booze Review: Sesame and Popcorn Daiquiri

Back when people had money and could contribute something to the economy, people used to mindlessly watch movies for two and a half hours and then head back to the families they resented. With streaming services and divorce, people are physically seeing movies less often, resulting in a big drop in popcorn consumption (probably). Your third favorite snack is now a daiquiri and we reviewed it!

Grade: B

Smells Like:
The halfway point of that 16-year-old’s ticket ripper career at the movie theater. So, so sweaty.

Tastes Like:
The poor man’s version of Orville Redenbacher, except he’s 200 years older and not dead.

Typical Drinkers:
– Steven Spielberg on his director throne, you’d think.
– Cracker Jack, and you don’t know jack.
– The person who put some alcohol in their Skinny Pop.
– People who eat the Chicago Mix but only like the orange popcorn.
– Kids Choice Award nominees, since popcorn is food for children!

User Comments:
– “Someone made a drink for the expired box of popcorn in my cabinet!”
– “I can barely finish popcorn, but I finished this easily. Weird.”
– “Ew, why are there kernels in here?”
– “This is way too buttery.”

Best Described As A Drink Superior To:
The “small” cup of Coke a shitty teenager fills up that ends up being 64 ounces for some reason.

Can I Put Butter In This?:
Michelle Obama, who is still the First Lady, would be incredibly upset with you. But your sad secret is safe with us!

Will This Last Me For A Double Feature?:
Binge watching two movies? That’s four hours! That’s totally different from the entire 22-episode season of a show you watched today.

We Mixed It With:
The MoviePass you keep hearing about and will almost buy every time you go to the movies on Christmas.

 

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