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Coney Island Hard Root Beer Review

“Start spreading the news, we’re drinking today, we want to be a part of it, Coney Island, New York.”

 Sinatra the Communist knew exactly what he was croaking about back in the day– the East Coast city and its infamous, low-class carnival and boardwalk. Coney Island is renowned for its hard root beer and people vomiting into the Atlantic Ocean. We just had to review it.

 Grade: B+

Smells Like:
That freakin’ funnel cake your chubby childhood friend just had to get at the community carnival that one Labor Day weekend.

Tastes Like:
The delicious root you would normally suckle out of your neighborhood tree.

Typical Drinkers:
– The two people who saw Woody Allen’s Wonder Wheel.

– The group of hooligans rollin’ doobies at the edge of the dock.

– A bad Jersey Shore remake cast where Coney Island is the new boardwalk.

– The A&W bear mascot at Happy Hour.

– Derek Jeter stans who still can’t get over his retirement.

– People who think the Illuminati killed Biggie Smalls.

User Comments:
– “We love the city that never drinks real alcohol.” 

– “Live from Coney Island, I’m drunk.”

– “I say ‘aunt’ weird, but forgive me for drinking this.”

– “I saw Hamilton (Off-Broadway) and I’m better than you.”

– “I saw Jimmy Fallon once and he was just by himself, laughing.”

 Best Described As a Drink Superior To:
Whatever those Manchester By The Sea characters were drinking. That was sad.

Are You Walking Here?:
AYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, I’M WALKING HERE!

Ever See Anyone Famous Drinking This?:
We always see Alec Baldwin yelling at strangers on the street with this in his hand.

We Mixed It With:
A little bit of the gentrified Brooklyn culture and the entire Jay Z discography we had to get a TIDAL membership for.

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