Father’s Day is just around the corner! For every dutiful son and daughter tying a big fat bow on Dad’s new power tool, there is a stressed Sugar Baby, lying on a memory foam Tempurpedic, brainstorming the perfect gift to get Daddy. June 17 is approaching fast, so check out the following Father’s Day gifts your lil’ nasty rich Sugar Daddy will absolutely adore!
5.) A Weber Original Kettle Premium Charcoal Grill:
Perfect for when Sugar Daddy cooks you an 18-ounce Japanese A5 Wagyu Ribeye while you perch atop his leather ottomans and scroll through Serena Williams’ Instagram!
4.) A fun waterproof shower speaker:
Sugar Daddy spends so much time in the shower because Sugar Daddy is pretty fucking old and kind of moves in slow motion, but who cares? Sugar Daddy is a nasty lil’ rich bitch who paid for your Invisalign and now he can listen to Frank Sinatra whilst scrubbing his loose elbow skin!
3.) A portable phone charger:
This will come in handy when Sugar Daddy has to go on a Boxcar Children-esque mystery adventure across the city to find his Amex Black Card that you misplaced after a weekend of partying with the girls and snorting that pile of gold leaf encrusted cocaine!
2.) A Dollar Shave Club monthly subscription:
Sugar Daddy always forgets to shave his nasty lil’ mustache before the fancy banquets he brings you to as arm candy, the ones where he occasionally pecks you on the cheek in front of his ex-wife, June! And, while you always get free banquet mini spanakopita and bacon wrapped shrimp, you have a skincare routine to maintain goddammit, and Sugar Daddy needs to have some decent self-respect. Shave the ‘stache, Sugar Daddy!
1.) A personalized mug that says “#1 Best Sugar Daddy”:
Madison studied abroad in France senior year and met her Sugar Daddy, Jean-Claude, and he pays for her to roam the European countryside and eat brie all day, and your Sugar Daddy got a little insecure when you read Madison’s Facebook update out loud during Money Counting Time. This mug will remind your Sugar Daddy that even though Jean-Claude is rolling in euros and bought Madison one of those pricey, one-way tickets to Mars, Sugar Daddy is still number one!
This Father’s Day, get your lil’ nasty rich Sugar Daddy the perfect gift to show how much you appreciate him — because who else is gonna pay off your student loans?
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