How To Know When You’re Too High To be in Class
Everyone in college has had at least some experience with marijuana, whether they want to or not. Most students are pretty good about regulating when and how much they smoke, while others just go all out. Some of us are pretty good when it comes to living life fully stoned, but most people who try to get by while sky-high can’t function. The number of students who think they can go to class high is astonishing, so we’ve written down some of our own helpful hints on how to know when you’re too high to be in class.
10.) You sit down and try to buckle your seatbelt:
If there’s anything a stoner knows, it’s safety first. Then teamwork. If you are going to be too stoned for class, it probably would be pretty nice to have a seatbelt.
9.) You’re still wearing your sunglasses:
‘Cause how could anybody tell that your eyes are redder than the devils dick if they’re behind some cool shades? Plus, those incandescent bulbs can be pretty darn bright.
8.) You leave class to go to the bathroom, but end up at Chipotle:
So the munchies took over somewhere during the journey, and you were going to miss all the Clicker questions anyway, but at least now you’re here. Get yourself baby-sized burrito, and try not to think about that expensive laptop you just left sitting there.
7.) Your note-taking is too loud:
It’s like someone is yelling these words onto your paper, and it’s awkward. You just know people are looking at you disapprovingly, but it’s all in your head… you are way too high to be in class. The only person who can hear these thoughts is you… and that other kid in the corner who never talks, but he’s looking at you like you share a telepathic connection.
6.) You miss all the Clicker questions:
Maybe you come back to reality during the last one, but you might as well have missed class altogether. It’s hard enough to pay attention, not to mention know when the teacher actually wants you to answer a question. Let’s face it, you were probably too high to remember your Clicker in the first place, not to mention your backpack.
5.) Your professor starts sounding extremely profound:
But you’re just in a rhetoric class, so there’s no way that can be true. Just put the shades back on and pretend you’re editing an essay.
4.) You try to listen to music in one ear while listening to lecture in the other:
Professors are much more interesting with your favorite tunes in the background. But somehow your other headphone will probably end up in your other ear, and the professor gets lost behind awesome melodies.
3.) You pull some unpackaged cookies out of your pocket:
Everything’s better with a pocketful of Mrs. Fields! Now the hardest part is that you know everybody’s jealous, but don’t go offering your pocket cookies around. No one knows what kind of stuff you have in there, and those cookies are yours and yours alone. Hey, maybe you’re too high to be in class, maybe you’re not!
2.) You start Googling “Ways to know you are too high for class”:
Everyone behind you sees what you’re searching, man. Best to refer to number three, “hit the bathroom” and go get a sub.
1.) You’re 15 minutes into class and realize you’re actually the professor:
So that explains why lecture hasn’t started. Life can be pretty hard for professors too. You think it’s hard to hold it together as a high student? Imagine giving a lecture when you’re higher than hell. But that’s why you became a professor and not like, a lawyer or whatever.
Speaking of weed, what’s the better term: “weed” or “pot”? Our editors debate on our podcast!