10 Lies All UNC Students Tell Themselves

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College is great, but there’s no denying that it’s one of life’s rocky periods. Every now and then, in order to pull through, we all need to put ourselves in small states of denial. Sometimes the truth just hurts too much, and we have to bend it for our own protection. UNC is no different—just look at these 10 things we all lie about.

10.) We understand what a “Tar Heel” actually is:

It definitely has something to do with North Carolina history, but if you told us that the term originated from colonial belief in the healing powers of tar, we would have no reason to question you. All that we know is that when we hear “Tar,” if we don’t shout “HEELS” we bring some devastating disgrace to our people.

9.) Football games are fun:

No hate for the football team, but deep down we all know that these games are a sweaty placeholder for basketball season. Maybe it would be easier to feel the spirit if the sun didn’t beat down quite so harshly, and we could cheer without worrying about our sweat stains. As it is, Saturday afternoons are more pain than they’re worth.

8.) We would totally be best friends with Joel Berry if we got the chance to know him:

If only this school weren’t so damn big, we and the star athletes would be thick as thieves. We can picture it now: Joel, Luke and us all sharing burgers at Buns after a game, jamming out together at the Cat’s Cradle, studying in the Coker Arboretum on a brisk autumn morning… If only their busy schedules weren’t keeping us apart.

7.) Drinking from the Old Well is worth it:

Tradition is great and all, but that water fountain is more trouble than it’s worth. If it’s that important to you not to risk going without the potentially magic water, fill up a bottle beforehand and skip the ridiculously long line on the first day of class.

6.) Duke athletics are terrible:

Duke is puke, we all agree, but we can’t just pretend that they’re inept in the athletic department. We shouldn’t be afraid to admit that they’re good, because we know that we’re better. It wouldn’t be a true rivalry if the Devils couldn’t give us a little competition.

5.) We know the Alma Mater:

“I’m a Tar Heel born, I’m a Tar Heel bred, and when I die I’m a Tar Heel dead!” And then something like, “RAH CAROLINA, RAH, RAH, RAH, (Insert off-beat spelling and confused arm motions here). It’s okay though, if we shout loudly enough, no one will notice that we’re not actually saying anything.

4.) PJ with some berries in is essentially fruit salad:

Look at us, classy, healthy, borderline Millennials who can truly have it all! Maybe we’ll throw some mint leaves in there as well. True innovators can fit the entire food pyramid into one drink.

3.) We love the P2P:

As much as that bus may look like a Godsend rolling down Franklin on a dark and stormy night, 25% of the time you’ll regret getting on it. Why is it so bleakly cold in there? And is the blaring music really necessary? Every single aspect of college shouldn’t have to emulate a rave.

2.) We all have a perfect match somewhere on campus:

Statistically, it’s just not possible. Realistically, the divide between male and female on campus isn’t that dramatic, but it’s hard to say that the student body makes for a thriving dating scene. But hey, the deficiency in men isn’t all bad. An uneventful love life just leaves more time for school, a social life, and a thriving relationship with Netflix.

1.) We have our post-college lives all figured out:

The tears we cry at graduation won’t be ones of joy. We know that we’ll sort our future out, but being at UNC is an amazing experience, and it’s not one that we want to let go of. Still, we know that just because we stop attending class here doesn’t mean that we will ever stop bleeding Carolina blue.