Any UNC student will tell you the most important and formative courses of a college career are the thousands of General Education requirements we have to somehow squeeze into our schedules. You braved Beginners Jogging for your LFIT and took that weird performance studies class for your VP. But maybe you’re still in need of a PH credit and can’t find the right one for you. Here are a few drunken rants and insufferable conversations with your pals that’ll surely prove to the UNC Registrar that you’ve mastered Philosophical and Moral Reasoning.
5.) “Maybe we’d be happier if we looked up from our phones”:
You look around Goodfellows and see nothing but phone screens. A thought dawns on you — maybe, just maybe, social media is…bad? Maybe if we, hm what’s the word, unplugged? You’re overwhelmed by the profoundness of this thought. The research that could be done! The think-pieces you could write on this subject! You start to mention this to Kayla and, oh–what’s that? You found an outlet for your charger? Nvm.
4.) “Deep down, we’re all cut from the same cloth”:
You have opinions about social justice. Sure, they’re sweeping, oversimplified, and ignore the specific pain of marginalized groups. Shout them over your 2nd Blue Cup at He’s Not! We’re one race — the human race. Carolina For All!
(Disclaimer: this one will also cause you to lose your US Diversity credit.)
3.) “Should I drop my bio major?”:
Look, your first-year self waltzed into advising and declared a biology major. You were young, you were dumb, you thought your mastery of AP Bio destined you to a 4.0. Now you’re three years in with a 2.7 GPA, drunk at CFD on a Tuesday, and rethinking your decision. Ask Kayla what she thinks. You two really only know each other through Chester–which, where is he by the way? –but you’ve bonded enough to get her opinion on a pretty big decision. “I never read for fun anymore!” you shout over “Swalla” by Jason Derulo. Can you do an English major in three semesters? Kayla doesn’t know, but she’s nodding pretty supportively.
2.) “And I guess that’s why I never let myself get close to anyone”:
The way Jeremy looked at you while you were ordering tots really reminded you of Luke, who you’re realizing you haven’t talked to in nearly six months. Was that on him or on you? You haven’t thought about the way things ended in a while and you’re in the bathroom line at Sup Dogs and Kayla’s at the table with Jeremy (and Chester! You found him on the bull at CFD). Suddenly you’re talking to the woman in front of you who’s wearing really incredible high-waisted jeans. “It’s like, I never let myself recognize how much he hurt me,” you say to her, as she nods empathetically. “We can’t always articulate our pain while we’re feeling it,” she says. “That doesn’t make it any less real.” You thank her, tearing up. She hugs you, you compliment her jeans, and she disappears into a Sup Dogs bathroom stall to vomit.
1.) “If He’s Not Here…where is he?”:
How did you end up back at He’s Not? Go to bed.