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Former Tar Heels Establish Offshoot University After Another Unsuccessful Registration Period

After not receiving the classes they need for their major in the next semester, a large group of dissatisfied students have splintered off of UNC-Chapel Hill to create their own university.

“We all ended up not getting the classes we need to graduate,” says Dean Barton, who was chosen to be the new dean of the new “Chapel Thrill University” based solely on his name. “It’s a problem that a lot of people have at UNC-Chapel Hill, so a bunch of us thought why not just start out own school? At the very least we can put it on our resumes!”

The students come from a wide variety of programs, encompassing ex-majors from UNC’s biology, art, and computer science programs, among many others. This has allowed Chapel Thrill to form individual schools named in honor of reality television personalities.

“I tried to get into Intro to File Storage and it immediately filled up,” laments Linus Pentium, a former computer science student. “It’s ridiculous; they capped the classs at three students!  Now that I’m at the Gordon Ramsay School for Technology, there are only three of us and there’s plenty of room in courses.

“This situation has certainly occurred before, but Chapel Thrill is the largest splinter group we’ve seen,” says Dalia Pickern, a representative of the admissions department. “Dealings with them are based on the utmost contempt, and the students have been struck from university records. They’re not even given club status! We do still charge them tuition, however.”

Currently, due to a lack of facilities, Chapel Thrill University holds classes in the bleachers of Kenan Stadium. There are no lecturers, and classes consist of attempting to create usable course curricula.

“I figure we probably need to get some kind of buildings at some point,” Dean muses. “It’ll make us look more official. We’re planning a forceful takeover of Parker Hall. It’s not like anyone would miss it.”

“We’re actually letting Chapel Thrill get a bit more established,” Dalia shares. “Once they are, we will recruit loyal Chapel Hill students to join the school. Then, they can bring them down from the inside. That Dean will come crawling back soon enough!”

Chapel Thrill University is currently accepting new applicants, especially transfers from Chapel Hill. The school also takes tuition payment in the form of meal swipes at Lenoir Hall.

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