October is coming to an end, and Halloween, one of Carolina’s most widely anticipated days of the year, is drawing near. As the holiday approaches, mysterious figures have begun to be reported across campus.
Hinton James Residence Hall is known for its association with the original Hinton James, the first ever Carolina student, who was famous for trekking on foot to Chapel Hill all the way from Wilmington in order to receive his education. Now, it seems that the learning enthusiast may be back from the grave.
“Yep, I saw him,” confirmed first year Vance Stiles, “We talked a little bit; he’s pretty chill for a ghost. Mostly he just hangs around HoJo. I invited him to a party on North Campus, but he wasn’t into it.”
When approached and asked why he continues to remain at the freshman dorms, the ghost of James replied crossly, “I may have walked 90 miles to make it to UNC, but I refuse to climb this South Campus hill, dammit! Why would anyone ever put a residence hall at the bottom of this thing?”
Across campus, a much more sinister ghost has been sighted. Recent visitors of Wilson Library complain of heckling by the persistent spirit of a former UNC undergrad. Carolina administrators speculate that the phantom, who has been bullying students for the quality of their homework, is the ghost of Emily Robertson, a UNC senior who, in 1965, literally studied herself to death at a desk in Wilson.
“I think she wants to keep students from feeling pride in their work,” explained psychology major Anna Fieldsworth, “She probably has an inferiority complex left over from when she was in school. People can get really competitive here.”
More recently, Chapel Hill has been aflutter with rumors that UNC graduate and former president James K. Polk has made a return to campus. Polk, who was witnessed wandering around his namesake Polk Place, does not seem to be fully aware of his surroundings.
“Yeah, he thinks we’re in the middle of the Mexican-American War,” explained student Ally Churchill, “I tried to go up and thank him for his service to our country, and he just started shouting about Texas. It’s a shame, you know? C-Span once rated him as America’s 12th greatest president, and now he’s a total mess.”
Junior Stephen Jankowski framed the situation more positively. “Hinton James is such a bro,” he said, “and James Polk is like the crazy uncle I always wanted. Honestly, as long as campus is going to be haunted, we might as well enjoy it.”