After a fall semester of hardship, freshman Will Miller was elated to see a game-changing message from [email protected] in his Heelmail inbox.
“Dear Will,” he read proudly, “Congratulations! You are invited to join the Honor Society.”
The acceptance email felt like a turning point for Miller, who barely made it out of his first semester at UNC with a C-average.
“In high school, I was always at the top of my class,” he explains, “but when I started at UNC, Bio 101 killed me. I drank from the Old Well not just on FDOC, but every morning, and yet my GPA just kept falling. When I got this email from Honor Society,” he says, blinking back tears, “It was sort of a reaffirmation of my value as a person.”
Miller’s friends were less excited about the invitation.
“Literally everyone got those emails,” confides his co-worker Libby Martin, “They’re 100% a scam. But he’s just so proud of himself that I don’t have the heart to tell him the truth. We work in the bottom of the UL, and when he opened the email, he was so excited that he started shouting and we got in trouble with our boss. What an idiot.”
Breaking the truth to Miller is especially hard considering that this acceptance is his first win of the school year.
“It’s been a rough few months for me,” Miller sobs, “I keep getting all of these emails that my account has been suspended, and it’s my last chance to save it! And on top of that, I’ve bought twice as many textbooks as I need to because the Student Stores keep telling me it’s the time to buy!”
Those close to Miller expressed frustration at his persistent gullibility.
“I don’t know how he fell for that stupid scam,” Miller’s roommate John Sutton complained, “He’s already has gotten his ONYEN hacked like four times from clicking on those phishing emails.”
For better or for worse, Miller won’t be deterred from his optimism.
“You know how I know this is the real deal?” He asks beaming, “because it’s just called the Honor Society. Not the Order of The Old Well, or The Golden Fleece, or any of that frilly nonsense. No, what I’m a part of is top tier.”
Miller anxiously awaits the arrival of his purchased $500 worth of Honor Society regalia.