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UNC Freshmen Worried They’ll Fall Asleep And Wake Up Alumni

It’s November and fall semester at UNC is quickly approaching its end. While the end of fall semester and the start of winter break is something many students look forward to, UNC freshmen are worried that the rest of their time at Carolina will go by as fast as their first semester has.

“It’s already November,” exclaimed Sam Shyrock, a Carolina freshman. “I could’ve sworn I just drinking out of the Old Well to secure my 4.0 for the semester and now you’re telling me that it’s almost time for winter break? This is too much to handle.”

Freshmen are failing to realize that it is only their first semester at UNC, and that they have seven wonderful semesters left.

“Shit, I’m not ready to graduate and be a real adult,” stated UNC freshmen Gary Hope. “I was so excited to come to UNC and get the full Carolina experience, but it’s all happening so fast that I’m afraid it’ll be over before I know it. I wish I could just freeze time at the moment that I moved into Hojo and met my new roommates.”

While the freshmen are stressing that their time at Carolina is going by way too fast, seniors have found humor and joy in watching freshmen overreact.

“I remember when I was like the freshmen,” said Wesly Wise, a Carolina senior“Towards the end of my first semester, I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life after college. It took my advisor yelling ‘sit your ass down Wesly, you have seven semesters left; get out of my office with this foolishness,’ before I realized I had plenty of time to figure out life.”

“These freshmen are so silly talking about their time here is coming to an end,” stated UNC senior Tara Smith. “I was so confused when I saw the freshmen I mentor trying to purchase a cap and gown. She looked at me and said “hey girl, I see you’re getting ready for Mother’s Day in Kenan Stadium as well,” and all I could do was laugh at her.”

While everyone has reassured freshmen that their time at Carolina isn’t ending as quickly as they think, many are, trying to make sure they complete their UNC bucket list, which includes things like streaking through the library during finals week, jumping in Bynum Fountain, and going to a UNC-Duke basketball game.

“I can’t even sleep anymore,” stated Steve Wiley, a UNC freshman. “I’m doing all that I can to make my time at Carolina last forever. I know that the moment I go to sleep is the moment that everything is going to come crashing down and I’ll be getting booted out like the ugly duckling who never rushed Franklin Street after beating Duke or jumping over burning couches to celebrate a national championship.”

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