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UNC’s ΣΑΕ Wrings Out PBR From Carpets, Donates It to Local Charity

The holidays may be over, but Sigma Alpha Epsilon is still in the mood to give. The Xi chapter announced on Tuesday it would be collecting all the PBR that’s been spilled into its carpets and donating it to charity.

“We get so much from the community and from Pabst Blue Ribbon. We just want to give back to a good cause,” Chester Winston, President of UNC’s ΣΑΕ chapter said. “And charity is a very good cause.”

Philanthropy Chair Nathan Hickory said he came up with this idea while walking around the two-story ΣΑΕ house, located in UNC’s Fraternity Court. “I stepped into my brother’s room and there was a squish under my feet. I said, ‘What is this?’ But he didn’t respond. I realized he wasn’t in the room and I was actually talking to a poster of John Belushi wearing that “College” sweatshirt from Animal House. It was then that I noticed the carpet smelled like PBR.”

Hickory proposed donating the old, spilled beer to charity at that week’s chapter meeting. ”When he announced it, I was excited about doing some good,” said Matthew RockyMount, a brother at the fraternity. “I think we had some kind of drive last year, but honestly I couldn’t even tell you what people gave us. Clothing? Or did I donate blood? I remember being lightheaded. Either way, this year’s cause really matters. It’s like, so many families and children don’t even have access to PBR. And, when you think about it, we’re not using it! Wring it out of the carpets!”

The brothers are hard at work procuring every last drop of the Milwaukee-based beer from their carpets. “I don’t even know where this rug came from,” RockyMount said, gesturing to a beige-ish rectangle on the floor. “It was here when I moved in. Could’ve been here for years, with who knows how many generations of brothers spilling beer on it. That’s why I rushed originally — for the tradition.”

When asked about the charity set to receive the donations, Winston said that the focus should be elsewhere. “It’s not about who’s receiving the Ziploc baggies filled with liquid, it’s about the spirit behind the liquid.”  

When really pushed on the issue, he said, “I don’t know, maybe goodwill?”

Goodwill was not available for comment but according to their website, they do not accept liquid donations.

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