The shower is hands down the finest household amenity. The best part is that the shower has more to offer than just being a hygiene tool. It’s a place you can test out swim gear if you cannot make it to the aquaplex on campus, and it’s also a great spot to jerk it out of earshot from your roommate. However, the greatest part about taking a shower is that it allows your mind to wander like a philosopher. So, here are five things every NAU student has thought about while taking a shower.
5.) Who IS Louie the Lumberjack?
Seriously, who dresses up to become Louie the Lumberjack? Is this person a guy, a girl, or do they prefer not to disclose? Do they have a Twitter handle, because we’re sure whoever plays Louie has some hilarious tweets? “Some bastard threw up in the suit again #Frustrated,” –Louie. Regardless, The BlackSheep has a theory that Rita Cheng dresses up as Louie the Lumberjack, to gain intel on her students.
4.) Is Today Going to Be A Snow Day?
This is honestly a good question. You wake up and go directly into the shower only to realize that you forgot to study for a midterm. But, what you do know is that it snowed last night. The only question is how much? So, you hope and pray for lots of snow only to realize that by the time you get out of shower it’s 60 degrees outside and two-thirds of the snow has already melted.
3.) What the Hell Does “Jacks Up” Mean?
Does anyone really know what “Jacks Up” means? People at NAU know it might have something to do with your hands at sporting events, but nobody’s sure. It might be a term that NAU girls have coined to warn other girls that a man in their proximity has an erection. “Sally, don’t look behind you, but Ray is Jacks Up.”
2.) “How Many Dogs Will I Run into On Campus?”
If you are deathly terrified of dogs this is a question you would ask yourself in the shower. Come on, there are almost too many dogs on NAU’s campus. On the flip side, if you’re a normal person then this is something you think of happily in the shower– but not like that, hopefully.
1.) “Where Did I Put My Water Bottle?”
Water is hitting you in the face, and so does reality when you realize you lost your water bottle. You try your best to remember, but you just can’t. The next day is spent running around campus spending countless hours trying to find it. All hope is lost, and you return home and decide to take a shower to wash away your tears. However, once you pull back the shower curtain there it is sitting right next to your soap bar that is full of pubes. All is once again well. At least until you get drunk again and this same scenario happens all over.
If you go to NAU and haven’t asked yourself these five questions at least once then you probably aren’t a true Lumberjack. Don’t get too handsy with this information, we all know humans just use “taking a shower” as a free excuse to touch themselves.
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