As we get deeper in December, we also get deeper into Oscar season. This time of year always reminds us of our favorite movies and movie characters. But, since NAU and finals has already sucked the life out of us all, it’s time to acknowledge the movie characters we swear once held a Jackscard.
Let’s face it, NAU and Flagstaff in general legalized marijuana decades ago. Pot is so ingrained in the culture here it’s a crime you can’t buy any at The Wedge with dining dollars yet. But we all know that one kid; that kid who smokes like his lungs take THC and not oxygen. Much like Craig, (Ice Cube’s character) we don’t know why we hang with them as much as we do, but then we remember: we all need a bud with free bud.
Kevin McCallister, Home Alone:
As upperclassmen get older and older, its becomes cuter and more hilarious to see the scared and confused freshman try to navigate life without their mother’s nipple in their mouth. Now this doesn’t mean that we should all be like Harry and Marv, as we might end up getting hit in the face with a hot iron. But let them know that life only gets harder from here, kid. And we would know, we’re all at least 20. Now hold on while we call our moms and cry about how stressed we are.
Jenko, 21 Jump Street:
We don’t know if he’s an early bloomer or just a 35-year-old man. But he does not look like a sophomore who “just got held back a year.” We highly doubt you’re an art history major either, dude. Odds are you at least did like two tours in the Iraq War, you American Sniper lookin’ cave man.
Dolores Umbridge, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix:
Hmmm, a short, stout woman who answers to an even bigger group of corrupt douchebags and comes in to make a bunch of changes that nobody really likes? It should be on the tip of our tongue, but we just can’t seem to… Just kidding, this character is obviously NAU’s own dictator Rita Cheng. Is it time to feed her to a herd of centaurs yet? #Spoilers
Red, The Shawshank Redemption:
Unlike Jenko, he’s actually been here forever and looks the part. He might have started in 2008 but tales of him are foggy. He talks about a time when John D. Haeger was president and gas was 35 cents a gallon. A time before Instagram when all your pictures were on a site called “Myspace.” A time when the biggest dance craze was an act called “the Stanky leg.” A simpler time. A peaceful time. A better time.
Buzz Lightyear, Toy Story:
There’s nothing wrong with being ambitious, in fact it’s a character trait that successful people need in their lives. Just when your ambition and drive clouds your better judgement is when you lose yourself. We get it, you’re an engineering major and that’s great, but we’re sorry young man you don’t just make $75,000 out of college– assuming you ever do get out of college.
NAU is full of colorful people that will certainly fill up any spectrum and it’s like those who made the list who help make the school what it is. Just make sure not to laugh too hard at these characters, maybe one of them is you.