The Secret Behind NAU’s Constant Construction

author-pic at Northern Arizona  

Some say, that in the depths of Northern Arizona University, our president Rita Cheng is hiding something. It is widely believed that her despicable motives are masked by the construction all over NAU’s campus. Now we all must wonder what will be built after we all come back from winter break. To help solve this mystery, The Black Sheep investigated for you.

You know you’ve questioned why Rita could possibly think that NAU needs to get bigger. What purpose is there for there to ALWAYS be tours going on around campus? However, no one is actually seeing an increase in the student population. It is all to create the illusion of a need that isn’t there, to justify Rita’s drastic spending.

Who’s to say it’s even dorms she’s building? The fences are all covered with opaque tarps, the space blocked off is twice the size it needs to be, and the sidewalks and roads are all closed. All seems very fishy. One thing is known for sure, the bus routes will be disastrous for the rest of the year.

While the investigation continues, it has been discovered that what is being built must be one of two options. 

 The most likely option is her own private spa, sauna, and salon. She doesn’t look the type, but Mrs. Cheng truly does enjoy a good steam session. There is also word that it will have a sweat shop underneath run by the students who can’t afford room and board. These same students have nowhere else to live because off-campus housing is so astronomically high. Yet another way to save money.

There is also the idea that it will be a private lot for her and her thousands of top of the line cars. Which makes sense because even she can’t find on campus parking anymore. We all know the lady’s loaded. The genius behind this plot is using a small portion of the hidden tuition fees to buy state of the art Androids. This measure is taken to make it look like students live in the camouflaged parking lot. Mark these words, when February comes not even those who are approved for priority housing will be able to get into the new dorms.

At the end of the day, no matter the building’s purpose, Rita just wants to make NAU into another prestigious cash cow university. We know she doesn’t need the money to support herself, as she gets an allowance for food, housing, and transportation on top of her salary. So, a new dorm is the perfect smoke screen for both incoming students, parents, and the board of regents.