Can anyone describe a more acute fear than that of meeting your freshman roommate for the first time? Thanks to Notre Dame’s mission to make encounters between students as awkward as possible, random freshman roommate pairings can be a bit of a mixed bag. Luckily, we’ve compiled the most relevant stereotypes so that you can know what to expect when you move in this fall. May the housing gods bless you and place your room directly across from the parietals stairwell.
5.) The Husband & Wife:
The most classic—and possibly the most depressing—example of roommate coexistence. The “husband” returns home from a long day in DeBartolo Hall to find his “wife” eating chocolate espresso beans from the Huddle’s candy wall. They binge-watch Netflix together in the dark until one of them falls asleep on the futon. It’s very sad.
4.) Judas & Jesus:
This particular pairing usually manifests itself at about 2 a.m. on a Saturday night. Judas, the betrayer of the relationship, has gotten sloppily drunk. Meanwhile, Jesus, the savior, sees that Judas has gone off the deep end, and drags their drunk ass to the privacy of the dorm bathroom, where they can puke all over themselves in peace. Jesus secretly hates Judas. This happens every weekend.
3.) The Catholic & Antichrist:
Perhaps the most controversial pair of roommates on today’s list. The two most extreme extremes that could exist at Notre Dame, their opposing viewpoints ultimately culminate in the Friday Night Standoffs. The Antichrist returns home with his boys—three suitcases full of Natty Lite in tow—to find that the Catholic has assembled a small jam session in their quad, and his bandmates are currently arguing over the best acoustic variation of “The Canticle of the Turning.” The claws come out. It’s essentially a cage match were both participants still have to sleep in the same room afterwards.
2.) Jenkins and Harding:
What we have here is a classic Batman and Robin situation. Jenkins, (who is, of course, the star of the show), loves the limelight almost as much as he likes spending Flex Points unnecessarily. Then you have the Harding, who acts as the ultrabland arm candy. They’re obviously obsessed with Jenkins, and there’s nothing that Jenkins loves more than basking in the adoration of Harding. A match made in a weird, codependent heaven.
1.) Snooki & JWow / Mike & Paulie:
Arguably the worst (and the best) kind of roommate duo out there. This kind of relationship cultivates bad decisions like a petri dish. You want to take a shot? Your roomie will make you do three. Are you slightly upset about your roomie eating your leftovers? Your roommate will started screaming match with you outside of Nick’s Patio. This relationship—much like their room, if you’ve ever been in it—is a swirling vortex of chaos. Tread lightly, my friends.
Which relationship are you and your roommate in? Please, tell us on Twitter, we need to know we’re not the only Catholic and Antichrists out there.
DM our twitter and we’ll take it from there!