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The Black Sheep Investigates: !~A Night Out with Notre Dame Girls~!

Have you ever wondered what Notre Dame girls do on an average night out? Same! Let’s find out together!

8:32 p.m. – Salsas AKA pre-pregame:

We have to fuel up for the night, of course. You know those girls that bring their own celery to restaurants and eat birdseed because Kim Kardashian told them to? They scare me. Special shout out to our waitress Carolina who refilled our chip basket 5 times!

8:43 p.m. – Round 1

*Deep announcer voice* Round 1! The margaritas arrive (frozen, the way they’re meant to be served, don’t test me on this) along with a shit ton of food, including the life-changing queso that is referred to on their menu as “melted cheese cup.” First memorable quote of the night: “You guys can make fun of me all you want, but my Uber rating is 4.95.”

9:05 p.m. – Round 2:

Four more margaritas (and one White Russian) later, we’re trying to get the waitress to like us so that she’ll bring us more chips. We start chatting and offer to buy her a drink, and pretty soon we’re one marg away from singing karaoke together. Then my friend Kaylyn tries to insinuate that our waitress might have more fun at work if she could relax with a drink. But what she said was, “Maybe if you could drink at work you’d be a better waitress.” Carolina was not pleased, btw.

10:15 p.m. – Round 3:

Round 2 took a little longer than expected, what with the Taylor Swift karaoke and drunken visits from friends. So round 3 starts a little later than expected. Quote number three? “What do you call a guy who’s shorter than 6 feet? A friend.”

11:00 p.m. – Pregame!:

The party moves on to location number two. The guy who hosts us is wearing a too-small Christmas sweater from his mother’s closet. Makeup is reapplied and hair is fluffed.

12:03 a.m. – New Finnies:

We officially made it. The theme is *supposed* to consist of Christmas sweaters, but so far it appears as though we’re the only ones who got the memo. Whatever. We rock it. Obviously.

12:44 a.m. – Bathroom break!:

Why do girls go to the bathroom together? Going into the girls’ bathroom is like walking into Narnia. It’s the Grand Central Station of girl secrets.

1:21 a.m. – Things are getting blurry right about now:

Things are picking up. People! Drinks! Slipping in beer! Smudged makeup! Where are my friends? Fun (I think?)!!!

2:00-3:00 a.m.- ???????????

Kaylyn was slightly irritated that we were leaving the bar. I believe her exact words were, “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME, I CAN MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS, I’M AN INDEPENDENT PERSON WHO’S HAVING FUN AND I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE.” Super fun to deal with.

3:13 a.m. – Downward spiral!

Kaylyn stops the Uber (twice) to yak (twice) on an unknown sidewalk. Then she angrily yells that the Uber is taking “6 hours” to get home. Then she promptly falls asleep.

3:30ish – Home at last

Small pieces of our souls were lost that night. Let me know if you find them.

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