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Parents Come Early to Junior Parents Weekend to Mask Fact Daughter is Single

This spring of 2018, the Notre Dame Junior Parents Weekend falls in the same week as Valentine’s Day. Jonathan and Joan Daniels have been planning their JPW experience for close to a year now; they booked a lovely room at the Morris Inn for a moderate price and have arranged to eat at Sorin’s every night of their stay. However, after showering their daughter Shauna with personal questions over the phone last week, they were made aware of some crucial information, which is that Shauna does not have a date for Valentine’s Day.

After getting over their initial disappointment in Shauna for not ensuring that she receive a “ring before spring” of her senior year, the Daniels made some last minute arrangements to arrive at JPW three days early so that Shauna will not be alone for Valentine’s Day.

“We simply couldn’t stand thinking of our girl eating dinner alone at a dining hall on Valentine’s Day. Oh, the humiliation!” expressed Mrs. Daniels, “Reputation is important when trying to secure a potential husb— I mean, boyfriend. Being seen alone this year will lower her chances of getting a date next year, too!”

The Danielses coordinated their plans with Shauna’s roommate Alyssa as well, who had previously invited Shauna to third wheel dinner at Blaze with her and her boyfriend on Valentine’s Day, but “like, only as a last resort.”

When asked her opinion on her parents’ upcoming visit, Shauna rolled her eyes and grumbled, “Fine. If they want to come visit me and take me out to some expensive dinner and buy me chocolate, I’m cool with that.”

She then added under her breath, “This’ll also be the perfect occasion to tell them I’m a lesbian.”

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